News

New Home!

2006-02-10T20:44:00.000-05:00

Go to http://RadioactiveLiberty.com/ for the latest posts.

RadioactiveLiberty.Com. Yippee!

!!!

Yikes! What have I done?

2006-02-10T00:50:00.000-05:00

I just opened up a whole new world of "WTF." It turns out I have no idea what I'm doing. I want to change the theme, so, I downloaded one that I thought looked close enough to what I want that I can modify the style sheet to my liking.

Oops! I have no idea how to upload the template. The read me file says to upload it to my "themes" folder on my cpanel, but I don't see a folder there for themes. Am I supposed to make one?

Wordpress recommends Filezilla. Now that site just confuses me. I don't even know how to download the program. If I figure out how to do that, then what? Do I really need it? What does it do? These things don't seem to be made too obvious on the Filezilla site.

It looks like Wordpress has some good "how to" documentation, but there's so much. Looks like I have my reading cut out for me. Like I said, what have I gone and done?

I don't even know how to install my sitemeter. I guess that's all part of modifying the CSS. So, we're back to "how do I install the darn template anyway?

What HAVE I done?

Tired of Mohammed Cartoons? Me Too

2006-02-08T20:31:00.000-05:00

My new home is http://RadioactiveLiberty.Com/
**

This whole Mohammed cartoon thingy is really starting to annoy me. I've gone from bored to annoyed with the whole stupidity. For one thing, the things were published in like October. I can't think of much good reason to wait around a few months to decide to get all angry over something.

I suspect that the self-detonating underwear stains looked at the "pretext for violence" playbook, and decided they needed a new play. Voila! (Pardon my French) Offensive cartoons. So, now they're all like, "How dare the infidels depict us as violent extremists? Well show them violent extremists. Death to the infidels!"

Tip to islamofascists: Ironic. Look it up.

Either way, *YAWN* it's so last week. Fortunately, my boredom has provided me with wisdom, or maybe it's just whiz dumb.

We need to find a way to give these people short attention spans like we have. I recommend something in high definition and several hundred worthless channels. A few "Goats Gone Wild" videos wouldn't hurt either. That way, when they get the impulse to commit violence, they'll be like, "These cartoons are an outrage! Death to the... Hey! That goat has got it going ON! Praise be ALLAH!" Problem solved.

So, like I was saying, this is the best damn beer I have ever had. According to their website, there are 2 relatively close distributors that stock it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but hopefully I'll be picking up a case this weekend.

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Mohammed Cartoon, Muslim cartoon, Jyllands-Posten, Islam, Terrorism

Important Update

2006-02-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

(Click to embiggen the Image)

5 blades is ridiculous.

Heh. Indeed.

Oxymoron?

2006-02-07T19:39:00.000-05:00

Earlier today, the radio station that was on at work played Rush (the band, not the commentator) and the DJ referred to them as a "great Canadian band." The thing was, I never got to the "band" portion of the phrase in my mind.

What I heard was "great Canadian," and I thought

WHA???

???

Great Canadian? Isn't that a contradiction?

I jest! I jest! No need to tie my up with your lasso, Wonder Woman.

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Get Ready!

2006-02-06T19:01:00.000-05:00

You thought 3 blades were enough. Maybe you thought 4 blades were overkill. You may have thought 5 blades were ridiculous.

Now prepare for the closest shave ever. Get ready for the ultimate shaving experience. Get ready for...

The Beast.

Six hundred sixty six precision titanium plated blades give you the closest shave possible. Nuclear powered for an unmatched shaving experience. We guarantee the closest shave you've ever had.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! My face is gone! I have no face!

The Beast: That's one close shave.

**

My new home is http://RadioactiveLiberty.Com/

Linked on Mudville Gazette

President Cindy?

2006-02-03T23:02:00.000-05:00

Forget Cindy for Senate. Looking through my statcounter, I saw this little gem. (Click to embiggen)

So, of course, I followed the link to find out why it would be a referrer. Am I getting spammed by a Cindy for President site? I had to know. (Click to embiggen)

I fully support the President Cindy Sheehan campaign.

Linked on Wizbang, Point Five

President Cindy Sheehan

Reporting from the DUmmy Front

2006-02-02T20:40:00.000-05:00

I was lurking DU for some comic relief and found an interesting fact. Did you know Cindy Sheehan is the new Rosa Parks? Neither did I. Never-the-less, DUmmy "Rocknrule" poses the question, "Who else agrees, Cindy is the new Rosa Parks?"

Some of the DUmmies seem to agree, but surprisingly there are voices of reason. DUmmy "incapsulated said"

Then you don't understand The difference between being called names or having people hate you for your beliefs and literally risking your life simply by sitting in the wrong place on a bus because of the color of your skin.... I think some people here have no sense of history.

DUmmy "question everything" says:

Umm is Sheehan prohibited from sitting any place on a bus or a lunch counter? Is she limited to what water fountain and toilet to use? You are either very young who have no idea about segregation or simple minded who does not think through. This is an insult to Rosa Park. And to Coretta Scott King, and to all the brave people who were beaten by Mississippi and Alabama police when they were fighting for civil rights. Shame on you.

DUmmy "hopein08" says:

Sorry, not even close... Rosa Parks didn't seek out attention. She had no agenda. She simply wanted to sit on the bus like everyone else. They are entirely different.

Whoa! Are they going to let that stand? I'm genuinely shocked. In fact there are a lot of sensible comments in response to Rocknrule's moronic question.

*Choke* Did I just say that?

Linked on Mudville Gazette

DUmmies, Cindy Sheehan

This Week in Carnivals

2006-02-02T20:38:00.000-05:00

Carnival of Comedy #40

Carnival of Satire #19

Bonfire of the Vanities #135

Carnival of the Vanities #4897

Go check 'em all out.

Satire, Carnival of Satire, Comedy, Carnival of Comedy

Groundhog Day

2006-02-02T10:46:00.000-05:00

Today is Groundhog Day. As far as I understand, this means that Punxatawny Phil, and a few others are brought out from their dens. If the groundhog does not see his shadow, then there will be 6 more weeks of winter. (Actually almost 7)

If the groundhog does see his shadow, then he is doomed to repeat the day over and over until he finally gets it right. This will include several successful, but ultimately failed suicide attempts, learning to play piano, and nailing the local tramp.

Success is achieved through falling in love with a co-worker. At least that's my understanding.

Happy Groundhog Day!

**

Visit my new homepage at http://RadioactiveLiberty.Com/

X-Posted at Bomb Squad

No Silver Lining

2006-02-01T21:05:00.000-05:00

I've noticed this trend on the right to try and rationalize the election of Hamas as the majority government in Palestine as being a possible good thing. This concerns me. I don't know if it's a sincere belief, or just a lame attempt to put a smiley face on bad news.

There's no bright side here. There just isn't. There's nothing good about it. I don't buy the rationalizations. Not at all.

As an aside, what evidence do we have that this truly was a free and fair election? I know (former) President Peanut says so, but other than that, how do we really know?

To those that would say, gleefully, "So much for democracy bringing peace to the Middle East. Huh?" First of all, why are you so happy about a terrorist group running a country? Second, I do not view any "state" that elects a terrorist organization to run the government as a legitimate state. That alone discredits the whole process.

To my fellow conservatives, there's no silver lining to this election (or "election" as the case may be). Please stop being naive and/or stupid. I'm not saying it's all doom and gloom with no way out, but I am saying there's no upside to the whole thing.

You may now attempt to persuade me that I'm not always right.

Linked on Mudville Gazette

X-Posted at Pyjamas Media

Palestine, Hamas, Terrorism

Liveblogging the State of the Union

2006-01-31T21:24:00.000-05:00

Guest Blogger Flowers Bloom

Start of speech: Buzz word "Democracy." No mention of the new democracy of Hamas.

9:24 Oh yes, let's not forget the troops. No mention of Abu Grahib though.

9:29 Hamas, work for lasting peace. Heh. Yup they're reflecting their own citizens with their "democracy."

WMDs in Iran! WMDs in Iran. Hmm... I'm not falling for that again.

New buzz word: Compassion. Just like Abu Grahib, right.

9:35 Reauthorize Patriot act. Just say what you mean. Big Brother is here. Oh here we go, Justifying domestic spying as the "Terrorist surveillance Act." Like there's any danger of being hit again. We all know 9/11 was an inside job.

More buzz words: bipartisan, support those who defend us, freedom, blah blah blah. Still no mention of Abu Ghraib.

9:38 Changes the subject to the economy. He must know he was tanking on the War stuff. Deflect and spin. That's how it works. Heh, "economic retreat," "stagnant economy." Is he talking about Bushonomics?

"Make the tax cuts permanent." Oh your cronies at Halliburton would like that.

AHA! Gotcha! Cutting programs. He just said he's going to cut programs.

Line item veto. Sure, then you could strike down the parts that are inconvenient to imposing your theocratic fascism.

9:44 Save social security? Right. Just like the slash and burn of programs you already said you would do.

More Buzzwords: Bipartisan again.

9:46 Changing the subject again. Now it's guest workers. He failed in Iraq, and tanked the economy, so one more time it's deflect and spin. Change the subject.

Portable health care. Yeah, not having health care is pretty portable, huh? Medical liability reform.

"America is addicted to oil." Advanced Energy Initiative. There you go. Nucular energy. That was what you really meant. New technologies like Ethanol etc. What would Halliburton think of moving away from oil? What about his cronies in the Saud family? I'm sure they don't want to let that happen.

9:51 He just can't stay on topic. once more, deflect and spin. Education and technology now. Nanotechnology. How many times did he have to practice that word? POW! No child left behind. I knew it was coming. One more miserable failure for the chimp in charge.

Buzzword: Compassionate again. Linking crime and abortion, just like Bill Bennet. Why don't you just say "black people are bad and make crime, so let's just abort them?" That's what you mean.

9:55 Changing the subject to "activist judges." Everytime he starts to lose momentum he changes the subject. He's so stupid. He can't stay on topic.

9:58 Another change of subject. No cloning, no stem cell research, no making manimals, of other genetic hybrids. What happened to advancing science.

Buzzword: Compassion again. And another change of subject. He's flopping around like a fish. Just cant stay on topic.

10:00 Hurricane Katrina. How long will this last. He's all "rebuilding homes," "opportunity" blah blah.

10:01 Didn't even stick with that for a full minute and on to AIDS/HIV. I guess you can't spin failure enough to stay on topic very long.

Name Dropping of some actual great people.

Theocracy! "May God bless America."

10:05 Speech over. He didn't stay on topic very long. Subpar. No mention of Abu Ghraib. Dodged the issue.

No specifics either.

Linked on Mudville Gazette, STNDM Blog

State of the Union, President, Satire

State of the Union: Advance Copy

2006-01-31T10:32:00.000-05:00

The President is slated to give his State of the Union Address later
today, but thanks to a patriotic whistle blower inside the White
House, I have obtained an advance draft of the speech. Here are a few
excerpts:

"I have been listening in on as many phone conversations as my busy
schedule allows, and I understand that many Americans are concerned
about their privacy. There is no need for your concern, with so many
phone calls to monitor and so little time and resources. That's why I
am asking congress for an additional 237 Billion in funds allocated to
domestic spying programs."

"Hamas has been elected as the governing body of Palestine. This is a
hostile terrorist regime, and I call upon them to renounce terrorism,
and the stated goal of the destruction of Israel. If they do not
comply, I advocate using the nuclear option."

"Many Americans are concerned about border security. I am going to
push for legislation to institute a 'Borders without borders' program.
This will allow those who wish to come to this country and find work
to do so with transparency, and find work legally."

There's much more, but those are the key highlights. Keep in mind it's
a draft copy, and thus subject to change.

Cross Posted at Pyjamas Media

There's Only One Thing to Say

2006-01-30T18:59:00.000-05:00

About this.

A couple of rightwing blogs have shown nothing but contempt and ridicule for our efforts here... We must be doing something right!.

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
*Snort!*
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
*Choke, cough, choke*
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Hat tip Dr. Phat Tony's

Heh. When Dean04Prez jumps on your bandwagon... You're doomed.

UPDATE: Dean0 takes credit for getting the ball rolling.

Best Quote of the Day Week Month Year All Time!

2006-01-30T18:33:00.000-05:00

It is far more difficult to smear a clean moral person with feces, than cover up a lump of feces with a bright candy shell. Case in point: Ted Kennedy.

~ Insolublog

All Bark, No Bite

2006-01-30T12:32:00.000-05:00

Democrats love to whine, yap, and howl about "tax cuts for the wealthy." I really don't care who the tax cuts are for, I'm in favor of them. Personally, I would like more tax cuts for everyone.

Then we hear about how these tax cuts are a "gift," or a "giveaway," or a "windfall." Let me ask those of you who buy into this class warfare bullcrap, how used to abuse do you have to be to see being less abused as a windfall?

Let's say that every year, you are burglarized, and 25% of your stuff is taken. If the next year, only 20% of your stuff gets stolen, would you consider that to be a "giveaway?" I wouldn't. Any reasonable thinking being wouldn't. So why is it different if the burglar is the government?

Here's a newsflash for you: It's not the government's money! It belongs to the person or business that made the money. If that person or business has less of their money stolen by the government, it's not a gift. It's not a windfall. It's a person or business keeping more of their own money. It's NOT the government's money.

On a related topic, how many times must we hear the Democrats throw out baseless criticisms, and when asked what they would do, they spit out rhetorical vagaries, like, "I'm for improving the health care system," or, "we need to bring education into the 21st Century."

When the President makes his State of the Union Address, look for Democrats to criticize the lack of "specifics." I promise you'll hear, "He wasn't specific. There weren't any specifics. We would have liked some specifics." You hear it every time.

Well pardon me, but it's not the President's job to be specific. It's his job to lead in a direction. Congress and the Senate are responsible for the specifics. So, tell me Senator Barks-a-lot, why do I not feel blown away by your "specifics" on "improving the health care system?" Please try not to overload my canine brain with all your "specifics" on how you would fight the War on Terror better.

Specifics, I want specifics. I am fairly certain, though, that it would be less pointless and futile to chase my tail than to wait for the Democrats to offer specifics.

Posted by Isis.

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Democrats, DUmmies

Carnival of Comedy #39: A Conjugal Visit

2006-01-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome, all to the Carnival of Comedy #38: A Conjugal Visit. No grim milestones this time around, but plenty of conjugal visits. I am your, witty, intelligent, and astonishingly good looking host, Mike Fitch AKA "FIAR." But enough about me, you came here for teh funny.

Boing! *Eyes Pop*
It's you fantasy date! Only the hottest of the hot for your conjugal visit. Lucky you.

Doomsday has arrived. Jimmyb the CUG offers helpful tips to Canadians that may or may not mitigate the damage inflicted by the impending sky collapse in (Uh) Oh, Canada.

Lucky for us, we have Mr. Right at The Right Place to unveil the sinister cabal. Sunspot Activity Causes Brief Interruption of Karl Rove's "Mind-Ray" - Democrats Claim Rare Moment of Sanity.

Dr. Phat Tony discovers a horrific epidemic and issues his Infectious Disease Alert.

Tommy at Striving For Average presents an intriguing episode of Mythbusters. But the big question is, did they bust or confirm the myth?

Stay fit and healthy until you're dead. a4g at Point Five helps us to meet that goal with al-Qaeda Presents Jihad-ercise with Ayman al-Zawahiri. (Thanks to Dave Barry for the opening line)

Vox Poplar, who BTW, is Right About Everything & Don't You Forget It, showcases a guest blogging gig by the French Prime minister in Les Option Nuclear.

Mmmmm...
These folks have earned themselves a conjugal visit with the local sweetie they've been crushing on. They may not have plastic surgery enhanced looks, but they more than make up for it with charm.

Bob at either orr presents Conservatives mentally deficient, liberal shrinks' study claims.

Elisson at Blog d'Elisson lampoons a guy that's a little too enthusiastic about his Nice Shoes. Profanity Warning!

AbbaGav at AbbaGav parodies James Frey in A Million Geeky Pieces, a long, but effortlessly enjoyable tell all.

SeanS at Brothers Dim finds an interesting antique and implores us to Look What's on eBay! Ooh! Hand carved.

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face does some serious research and offers some Little Known Facts About Jack Bauer.

Ahistoricality presents Yes, Spam and Drugs Are the Dark Side. Sometimes fact is stranger than fiction.

I Can Live With That
A wise man once said, set the bar low, and you will never be disappointed. No dream dates here, but it's good enough to get the job done.

Chris Carlisle at The Dimmer Switch presents 24 Hours Does One Day Make, Including Commercial Breaks. More interesting than funny, but well worth reading.

Three cheers for the ~~home~~ wrong team. Shamalama at Common Folk Using Common Sense feeds the "dumb cheerleader" stereotype with Cheer! Cheer! Cheer!

El Capitan at Baboon Pirates tells a tale of a damaged beer cooler, Well, That'll Wake You Up... Mmm... Beer.

Peter Goodman at Anti-Racist Losers presents Revisions to "Congressional Code of Conduct" Proposed.

Heidi Mapp at Frugal Wisdom from Wenchypoo' explores whether laughter really is the best medicine in The Most Frugal Medicine of All: Your Funny Bone.

Miriam at miriam's ideas offers some mental health advice: Use the power of Positive thinking.

Self-Serve
Or rather self-serving. The Carnival of Comedy is about highlighting our own creativity, not someone else's. I could repost Frank J's latest In My World, throw a source link in at the end, and submit it to the carnival. That would be just as inappropriate as what Ironman did.

Ironman at Political Calculations presents Why I Didn't Become an English Major. I suspect it had to do with submitting someone else's work to the Carnival of Comedy.

Be sure to do all you can to support IMAO, and Spacemonkey, without whom, there would be no Carnival of Comedy. Also, check out the semi-annual (or is it quarterly? I keep forgetting) IMAudiO at IMAOPodcast.com.

The upcoming schedule is as follows:
February 2nd - #40: Taleena at Sun Comprehending Glass
February 9th - #41: OPEN! Some unsuspecting schmuck - It could be you! Email Spacemonkey at flyingspacemonkey AT gmail DOT com to host.
February 16th - #42: Sherlock at Bakerstreet

Come, to think of it. I think there is a grim milestone. I think I am the First!!! person, not directly affiliated with IMAO, to host twice. I may be wrong, but I doubt it because Fitch Is Always Right. (FIAR)

Submit your own entries to the next Carnival here or here.

Are you still here? Run along! It's a conjugal visit, not a marriage.

Subscribe to my Feed.

Comedy, Carnival of Comedy

Carnival Reminder

2006-01-25T10:13:00.000-05:00

~~There's still time to submit your post to the Carnival of Comedy. Submit entry using this form. Cutoff time is 11:59 ET today. Then come back tomorrow, right here, to find out if you're funny.~~ The Carnival of comedy #39 has arrived!

Also, Carnival of the Vanities is up at Bluprint for Financial Prosperity.

It's The Carnival of Satire. Yay!

A Democrat Finally Gets it Right

2006-01-24T18:42:00.000-05:00

"no one is going to take a back seat to Democrats on fighting a tough war on terror."
- Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)

You got that right, Chuckie.

h/t Opinion Journal BOTW

The Heart of a Champion

2006-01-24T12:34:00.000-05:00

I have always said that the difference between a good team and a championship team is the ability to overcome adversity. When I hear a team complain about a bad call that "cost them the game," and the call occurred with more than 2 minutes left in the game, I think, it's not the call that lost you the game, it's your inability to overcome it. Of course there are situations that occur so late in the game that it's not possible to get beyond it, but in most cases, it is possible.

The ability to say, "Ok, bad call. There's plenty of time left," and go out there and win anyway; that is the difference between good, and great.

So this caused me to reflect on the Steelers/Colts game 2 weeks ago. As a Steelers fan, it got me thinking, "This is a good sign." Look at how the game was up for grabs at the end. The interception that was ruled not an interception, allowed the Colts back in the game.

Then, when it appeared that the Steelers had it all wrapped up, the ball was head-butted from the grip of Jerome Bettis. That was an opportunity for the Colts to deal a death blow, but Rothlisberger was there to save the day. The Colts had some serious momentum, but the Steelers defense held fast, and kept the Colts at a distance.

The worst case scenario at that point was to settle the game in overtime. The Steelers were faced with adversity, and they overcame it. It came down to one last opportunity. Who had the heart, who had the guts, who would show the heart of a champion?

I don't know why the kick went so horribly wrong, but it did. One of the most respected kickers in the league botched the job. But the point isn't, "blame the kicker." The point is, look at what the Steelers overcame. Look at how they held fast, and didn't let late in the game setbacks ruin their chances. They showed the heart of a champion in that game.

I hope to see more of that heart in the Super Bowl.

Go Steelers!

Steelers, Football, Super Bowl

Bonfire #134

2006-01-24T12:20:00.000-05:00

Looky, Looky! Bonfire of the Vanities #134 is burning. Go roast some marhmallows on the Bonfire. Oooh! Fire...

.

Yay! Halliburton

2006-01-24T01:10:00.000-05:00

(Click the Pic to Embiggen.)

I must officially be a member of the Bush-Cheney-Rove-Halliburton cabal now.

Woo Hoo!!!

What About the Children?

2006-01-23T20:01:00.000-05:00

I'm angry! Really angry. What's the deal with Iraq? There seem to be way too many people over there. I don't mean our people. I mean theirs. Especially children. What about the children?

They're over there, running around, playing soccer. Sometimes, we even give them the soccer equipment they use.

We have soldiers handing out beanie babies. Beanie babies don't kill children! Sure, we might get lucky and some stupid kid will choke on one, but that's just not a reliable and effective method. We should give them hand grenade babies instead.

What are we doing about all the women over there? Huh? I mean, where's the carpet bombing? Why haven't we nuked Ira* does it matter what the last letter is? Either one.

And don't even get me started about the oil. I was promised a war for oil. Where's my oil? Huh, Chumpya? Where's my war dividend. I haven't even seen the price of gas plummet yet. I should be having Iraqi oil pumped straight into my oil tank for heating my home. That's what I thought was going to happen. It doesn't look like we're ever going to get around to making Iraq a colony of the U.S.

Let's get serious about the business of killing already. I have yet to notice our soldiers kidnapping journalists, and lopping off their heads, then posting it on FoxNews.com. What about my blood lust? BLOOD LUST!!!

Instead, what we get is new schools being built, and infrastructure rebuilding. I didn't vote to re-elect the President to build schools and to see elections in Iraq, or to "spread democracy." Elections? Democracy? How un-fascist of you Mr. President.

Ted Kennedy promised rape rooms re-opened under U.S. management. Dick Durban promised prison labor camps. When do we finally get to see that? I hear we actually feed our prisoners... Multiple times a day! WTF? What ever happened to good old fashioned gas showers? I was expecting stormtroopers and Gestapo. How un-Nazi-like of you Chimpy.

I'm starting to think this whole "killing innocent civilians" and "war for oil" thing might be nothing more than propaganda.

Linked on Basil's Blog,Mudville Gazette

Caustic Sarcasm, Satire

How Many Must Die?

2006-01-23T12:38:00.000-05:00

Perfectly harmless, innocent kitten about to be brained on the Oval Office desk with a carpenter'’s hammer... Were the event detailed above to occur, would you still support the Presidency of George W. Bush?

That's the gist of a laughably stupid question posed by some dimwitted doofus. Darth Emperor Misha spends way too much effort in responding to this vacuum skulled Liberal.

The sponsor of this senseless and pointless question also adds, "please understand that like any other legitimate survey, responses that violate the accepted guidelines of a response must be invalidated." So, in other words, he will skew the results of the poll by disregarding responses that state that the question is stupid, and bears no relevance to anything the President has done, is doing, or might do.

The only parallel I see between the pointless and senseless slaughter of innocent life, and the War on Terror, is the behavior of the Terrorists.

Allow me to bring a modicum of relevance to your question. If a person wished to mercilessly slaughter an innocent, as yet unborn child, for no reason, other than to continue unimpeded in that individual's ability to live His/Her current lifestyle, would you support that?

Blah, blah, blah, all your stupid qualifiers, including being forced to watch it in all its gruesome and gory detail.

1. Would you support this activity?

2. If so, is there a number of innocent, unborn children that must die before you change your position?

3. If yes, what is this number?

Linked on Mudville Gazette

DUmmies, Stupidity

BOMS #113

2006-01-23T12:15:00.000-05:00

The Best of Me Symphony #113 is at The Owner's Manual. Go pay a visit, and breathe some new llife into some old posts.

.

Radioactive Liberty's Official Theme

2006-01-20T18:57:00.000-05:00

I stopped by Fake but Accurate, and was directed to Euphoric Reality, which had this awesome video (Profanity warning). I followed the link to the source of the video, and checked out almost all the videos they had on the site.

I came to the conclusion that this video with music by Powerman 5000 will be, from this point forth, the official music video of Radioactive Liberty. I present to you, "Bombshell."

Go check out Grouchy Media, and download some War Porn.

Weak on Defense

2006-01-20T12:53:00.000-05:00

So the Democrats want to whine about the "timing" of the alleged "bin Laden" tape. They want to insinuate that it's a propaganda scheme employed by the Republicans. Perhaps instead of whining about conspiracy theories, the Democrats might want to evaluate why it is that the President seems to get a bump in the polls every time one of these things are released.

The Democrats cry about how "convenient" it is that these tapes are released. Why don't they ask themselves, "Why does this help Republicans, and not us?" In theory, it should not hurt either party. It does have a political advantage for Republicans, and a disadvantage for Democrats though. Perhaps they might want to reflect on why that is, rather than throwing out their moronic theories.

I will direct this to the Democrat crybabies: Go home, sit down in your favorite comfy chair, and think. Get yourself a nice cold drink, and let your mind examine the reasons a message from the terrorists helps the Republicans and hurts you.

It does nothing more than remind people of the real naturre of the threat of terrorism. That shouldn't be a partisian issue, now should it?

I'll give you a hint. It reminds people that they don't trust you on issues of security and national defense. Now think about why that is.

Posted by Isis

Linked on Mudville Gazette, Wizbang, Point Five

Bin Longdead's Truce Message

2006-01-19T20:50:00.000-05:00

In an amazing feat of epic proportions, the ghost of Osama bin Laden has reached out from beyond the grave to offer a truce. In the highly verifiable audio tape format, bin Laden offered a message of hope and peace, claiming that al-Qaida is making preparations for attacks in the United States, after which he hopes the infidels will rest in peace.

He offered a truce "with fair conditions." The conditions were that the United States withdraw from the region, or "I will continue rotting in my grave." He promised that if the U.S. rejected the fair and honest agreement, he would have no choice but to "Continue to decompose."

The alleged "bin Laden" complained that "being dead sucks," and that "it turns out there are no 72 virgins after all."

**

Others on this topic: SYLG, Difster, The Deep Freeze, Stop the ACLU, IMAO, Michelle Malkin, Rottie who agrees that the weasel is dead.

Unbelievable!

2006-01-19T18:05:00.000-05:00

The Democrats new strategy on fighting Terrorism and strengthening National Security. It has to be seen to be believed.

Follow the link here.

.

Yipee! Carnivals!

2006-01-19T12:47:00.000-05:00

The Carnival of Comedy #38 is at Pereiraville.

The Carnival of Satire #17 can be found at The Skwib.

Most importantly, next week's Carnival of Comedy will be here at Radioactive Liberty. It feels like just 9 weeks ago that I hosted COC#29. Find episode #39 here, next Thursday.

Satire, Carnival of Satire, Comedy, Carnival of Comedy

Weasel!

2006-01-18T21:14:00.000-05:00

Weasel is a grossly under-used word. I intend to make an effort to use the word "weasel" more often from now on. At first I thought perhaps I could use it at random times, like the Smurfs use the word "smurf."

Upon further reflection, I decided that what It would be better to replace the use of all profanities with the word "weasel" or a variation. Be prudish with what qualifies as a profanity. OK, enough of the bullweasel. Let's get to the examples.

Potential spam subject line, "enlarge your weasel." That claim is so full of weasel. Who are the people dumb enough to fall for that? They must have weasel for brains.
Bend down and grab your ankles, you're about to get weaseled in the weasel. Ow! Motherweasel! That weaseling hurts the weaselhole.

Weasel it! The dog just left a huge pile of weasel on the carpet.

Better stop talking weasel. If you don't shut your weaseling weasel I'm going to punch you in the weaseling mouth.

You weaselhead! You kicked me in the weasel. Weasel !

This heaping helping of cow weasel has gone on way too weaseling long.

Cross Posted at Pyjamas Media

A Viscious Cycle

2006-01-18T19:29:00.000-05:00

Dr. Phat Tony expounds the virtues of honesty and responsible parenting in his important expose of child abuse in America. Go read Limitations now!

The Missing Constitution

2006-01-17T20:48:00.000-05:00

When Sen. Chuck Schumer asked Judge Samuel Alito,

"So why can't you answer the question of: Does the Constitution protect the right to an abortion the same way without talking about stare decisis, without talking about cases, et cetera?" (Via Captain's Quarters)

Alito incorrectly asserted that there was no direct language in the Constitution regarding Abortion.

Apparently there is something that the Democrats understand, that many Republicans so not. The U.S. Constitution, as it is normally published, is incomplete.

If the movie National Treasure taught us anything, it's that there is more to our founding documents that can be recognized at face value. There are several examples of this.

*On the back of the Second Amendment, it says in invisible ink, "Just kidding. Guns kill people."

There are actually more than 10 Amendments that comprise the Bill of Rights. These extra Amendments got lost in a paper shuffle during transcription, but were there when they were ratified by the states.

*The 11th Amendment was supposed to say, "The pursuit of happiness being of the highest importance, the right to abort unwanted pregnancies shall not be infringed."

So, there it is, in black and white. A Constitutional right to have an abortion, but that is not the only part of the founding document that is not commonly known.

*The 12th Amendment was supposed to read, "In the interest of preserving a balance of power, the Supreme Court of the United States shall be comprised of equal parts liberal justices and conservative justices, with one "Swing vote" justice, to determine in an impartial manner, the outcome of cases presented."

Yet again, the Democrats know what everyone else doesn't. We need an all important "swing vote" on the Supreme Court. We have yet to scratch the surface regarding what parts of the U.S. Constitution are still missing, out there in the ether, but we can be sure that the Democrats already know what's missing.

**

Linked on Bloggin' Outloud, Adam's Blog, Third World County, Ferdy

Now That's a Fiar!

2006-01-17T11:52:00.000-05:00

Er, fire. Hippo Campy hosts the Bonfire of the Vanities #133. Thunderbird, and Cheez Whiz lovin' good times.

A Game of Real Life

2006-01-16T19:30:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about creating a new board game based on the game "Life." It would be a bit more realistic though. In the original version, players frequently get to retire in style. In real life, this sort of outcome is highly improbable.

In my version, players will start out with 100 years of life. As the game progresses, players spin, and land on spaces that resemble real life situations. Here's a sampling of what I have so far. (Not in order)

Go to college. You are 40,000 dollars in debt. Live on ramen noodles, mac and cheese, and PBJ sandwiches. Lose 6 years off your life.

A child is born. Lose 12 years off your life.

Daughter begins dating. Lose 15 years off your life.

Begin smoking, lose 9 years off your life.

Quit smoking, add 1 year back on your life.

Pay Day! You've paid all your bills, and have 9 dollars left to make it through the next 2 weeks. Lose 1 year off your life.

Start smoking again, lose 7 years off your life.

Teenage son reaches rebellious stage, lose 4 years off your life.

Buy a home, lose 19 years off your life.

At the end of the game, players are dead. There are two options, either the player leaves a 10,000 dollar inheritance to a loving and grieving family, or the player dies penniless, cold, and alone. Players leaving behind a grieving family with an inheritance, then watch from the grave as the family tears itself apart arguing over who was responsible for "Killing mom and dad." Player spends eternity spinning in their grave.

On second thought. I guess games are supposed to be an escape from reality. People probably won't think that my version is too much fun.

Feel free to suggest your own game spaces in comments.

**

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Carnivals and Symphonies

2006-01-16T18:10:00.000-05:00

Check out the Carnival of Comedy #37 at Absurd Spices.

#112 Best of Me Symphony at The Owners Manual.

Comedy, Carnival of Comedy

Friday the 13th

2006-01-13T12:23:00.000-05:00

Today is Friday the 13th, in case you didn't notice the day and date. I just want to make sure that everyone knows what to do if anything bad happens today.

Blame Canada! Blame Canada!

**

Linked on TMH's Bacon Bits

A Phat Birfday

2006-01-12T19:22:00.000-05:00

Today is Dr. Phat Tony's birfday, and he has requested that we provide our own Phat History Lesson for his birfday amusement.

In the beginning, there was darkness, and god said, "Let there be light." Wait, I went too far back in time. Fast forward a few billion years. The world was being soiled by dirty hippies, and god said, we need a genius to make fun of these morons, and tell poo jokes. I like poo jokes." Instead, he created Dr. Phat Tony, not quite a genius, but good with a poo joke.

Dr. Phat Tony was born on this date in... uh 28 years ago, Antoine Peu Geauqe, which is French for "recounter of poo joke." Upon his birth, his mom noticed that he was chubby. "He's not chubby, he's fat," Pop replied. Pop was shocked by Antoine's immediate grasp of the English language, as he retorted, "I'm not fat, I'm big boned." Pop knew the boy was "special."

Growing up grossly obese, Tony frequently was taunted for being fat. "I'm not fat, I just haven't grown into my body yet!" He would tell them. And he was right. In his puberty years, Antoine did grow into his body, and changed "fat" to "Phat" to sound hip and "all that."

He learned to disdain his French ancestry, and had his name legally changed to Anthony Rigatoni. Thus was born Phat Tony. After being in the Army, and serving in Europe, he moved back to Alabamy to get married, and learned that he could regale the world with poo jokes through the use of the internet. He also used the internet to order a doctorate, and completed the evolution to "Dr. Phat Tony," Poo joke teller extrordinaire.

Except for all those run-ins he has with Boss Hogg, life is pretty normal for the good doctor.

The rest, as they say, is history.

That Would Be Refreshing

2006-01-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

Reports of the Alito confirmation hearings are pounding me into a coma-tacular stupor. There's nothing going on that is actually "News" to anyone that pays any attention. I thought of a few things I would like to see reported.

Senator Joe Biden: "I'm an arrogant, pompous ass? Would you rule to uphold that statement if you were confirmed."

Senator Arlen Specter: "I'm a liberal crackpot that claims to be a Republican. Just look at my loony 'Magic bullet' Theory."

Judge Alito: "These hearings aren't about you, Senators, they are about whether or not I am qualified to serve on the Supreme Court of the United States. Sit down, shut the cake hole, and I'll tell you why I think I'm qualified."

Ted Kennedy: "I'll make you a deal. We get a bottle and trade shots. If I pass out before you do, then and only then will I support your nomination."

None of those things will happen, but I wish they would.

**

Linked on TMH's Bacon Bits, Stop the ACLU, Wizbang, Point Five

Meme-ories 2

2006-01-10T20:07:00.000-05:00

Wonder Woman has tagged me with a meme about 5 weird habits, with the disclaimer that since she did it twice, I have to as well. I already gave 2 things about me, and left it at that. As I mentioned, I don't like being told what to do, so I'll round it out with 3 more to actually make it a complete set.

I hate onions, and have the ability to pick even the smallest onion fragment out of my food while chewing it. It's a real skill, I know. Once I figure out how to capitalize on it and market my skill, I will be a very wealthy person.

I like to talk to my dogs, in their language. I grunt, and snort, and make whatever weird noises that they make all the time.

I intentionally walk into things to provoke laughter from my known associates. There's a long running joke at work about, "How long will it take for Mike to do something to injure himself?" Then when they hear me yell, "Dammit!" The response is, "What'd you do this time?" I'm like a walking 3 Stooges episode.

My brain has now resorted back to it's natural state of vacuous emptiness. I'm not tagging anyone, because everyone I know has already done it. I won't make anyone go for a second time, unlike some people. *Ahem!*

Terrorism For DUmmies

2006-01-09T19:57:00.000-05:00

The NSA may not be able to tap the phone lines of KNOWN terrorists making or receiving phone calls to/from their associates in the United States, but Radioactive Liberty often has the inside scoop where others have dropped the ball.

Witness this transcript from an intercepted phone call, compliments of the tireless efforts of Agent Deranged Monkey. Begin Transcript:

Yousuf Al-Jihadi: Praised be Allah. What's the status on the plan to kill the infidels?

Jihadi Ali bin-Mohammed: Allah be praised. Things are going better than ever. Thanks to the infidel Democrats, we no longer have to worry about our phone communications being monitored.

Yousef: But what about retroactive warrants?

Jihadi: Do you think that the lazy American pigs will be able to jump through such hoops to obtain one of these warrants. Fool! A camel's son would know better!

Yousef: Praised be Allah! So helpful are the infidel Democrats. Have you received the chemical weapons smuggled through the porous border?

Jihadi: Of course I have. Allah be praised, even if we were to be caught, the American swine would never be able to use effective interrogation methods to extract the information needed to foil our plan, thanks to the infidel McCain.

Yousef: The infidels will all die.

Jihadi: Even the "like minded progressives" whom have done so much to aid us in our jihad?

Yousef: All infidels: black, white, Asian, atheist, Christian, filthy Jews, and even so-called Muslim infidels that have accepted the Americanized lifestyle. All shall die! Allah be praised.

The transcript ends because the electric company cut Agent DM's power for being delinquent on his bill. It's a good thing we have Democrats out there protecting America from the Bush Junta.

**

Apologies to Dr. Phat Tony, who did a similar bit recently, but for a different purpose.

Linked on: Right Wing Nation, Third World County, Bloggin' Outloud, Mudville Gazette

Satire, Leftist Agenda, National Security, Terrorism

The Very Latest Breaking News... From Yesterday

2006-01-06T18:53:00.000-05:00

The Benedictine Way reports that Radioactive Liberty's latest entry into the Carnival of Comedy #36 is NOT funny. RL garnered a last place slot in the weekly linkfest.

The Comedic Research Association for the Promotion of Politically Inclined Humor (CRAPPI Humor), a non-profit, independent humor advocacy group, has issued a press release indicating that the host of the linkfest merely lacks a sense of humor.

Critics of the non-partisan group have suggested that perhaps the post "Just wasn't funny."

The author of the allegedly unfunny submission could not be reached for comment.

UPDATE: by Isis

I overheard my master muttering the words, "Humorless jerk," and several dozen other words that are not fit for publishing by a nice doggy such as myself.

Comedy, Carnival of Comedy

I Got My Butt Kicked...

2006-01-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

By a seven year old girl. Several dozen times.

Wait! Let me explain that. It seems she didn't like being told that we are changing her name to "Stinkwina." After which I repeatedly would find reasons to use the new name.

"Stinkwina, did you finish your homework? Can you throw this out for me, Stinkwina? Stinkwina, lower your voice." And so on.

Well, every time I referred to her as "Stinkwina," or the new full name, "Stinkwina Poopette," she responded by delivering a few swift, and relatively hard (For a 7 yr. old girl) Kicks to my rump. Apparently, she was not fond of the new nomenclature. Go figure.

"Stinkwina..."

*Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick!* "That's for calling me that."

None-the-less, I have resumed referring to her as "Stinkwina Poopette" this morning. I must admit, though, that I do have a mild soreness to my backside today.

But that's not going to stop me.

Schumer: Wall to Protect from Terror Threat

2006-01-03T21:24:00.000-05:00

Last month, when renewal of the USA PATRIOT Act was filibustered, President Bush challenged several Senate Democrats to inform their constituents that they are safer as a result. In spite of the temporary extension of the Patriot Act, it remains an unresolved issue.

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY), has picked up the gauntlet thrown down by the President, and issued a statement that said "the Gorelick Wall promises to be a formidable counter-terrorism measure." He continued, "It's impenetrable. Just ask anyone involved in intelligence gathering or law enforcement prior to passage of the Patriot Act."

The Gorelick Wall should permeate throughout the entire intelligence community, and stretch the entire length of the Mexican/American Border. He said it should "stifle all attempts to successfully unleash a terror attack on the U.S."

Schumer statement also called the Gorelick Wall a successful policy, pointing to the fact that the number of terrorist attacks sustained on American soil prior to 9/11 were "negligible." The statement also said, "Since 9/11 we have had Enron, Plamegate, rigged voting machines, Nazis at Abu Ghraib, the Downing Street Memo, gulags at G'itmo, Halliburton, Jack Abramoff, Hurricane Katrina, and Domestic Spying. I challenge the President to explain to the voters how these things have made them safer."

Radioactive Liberty contacted the Senator's office to ask him if he was aware that the Gorelick Wall is not an actual physical structure. The Senator has not yet responded to the inquiry.

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Satire, Gorelick Wall, National Security, Leftist Agenda

The Carnival Gets Censored

2005-12-29T19:47:00.000-05:00

Head on over to Motopolitico for the Carnival of Comedy #35, where censorship reigns supreme, and so do roman numerals, and Radioactive Liberty.

Comedy, Carnival of Comedy

Flowers and Hugs

2005-12-28T12:45:00.000-05:00

Warning: Guest editorial, by Flowers Bloom

Hi, I'm Flowers Bloom. I don't understand why people want to fight with each other all the time. If we would all just give each other flowers, we could all be so much happier. Flowers are pretty, and they smell nice. That's what we need, more flowers, and hugs. If we all just gave flowers and hugs, we wouldn't have to fight in wars. "Hugs, not guns." That's what I always say.

Don't you think that Osama bin Laden would want to be nice to us if we just had responded to him by giving him flowers and hugs? He would think we are so nice, and he would probably apologize for being mean to us.

We also shouldn't use inflammatory words like "terrorist" and "attacked." President Bush says that "terrorists attacked" us on September 11th. How would you feel if the President called you a terrorist, and said that you attacked his country? I would feel angry and upset if that happened.

Now what if the President had said, "I understand that you don't feel good about how America pushes its way of life on everyone. Here are some flowers, and a hug. I'm sorry. We should try harder to get along."

That's not what happened though. President Bush continued the cycle of violence by invading other countries. War only makes people dead, but hugs make people feel good. You see how easy that is to figure out?

What about the golden rule? Doesn't anyone remember that? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Do Americans want people from other countries invading them and getting rid of the American government? I don't. I doubt other Americans do either. So why are we doing that to the people of other countries. We should be nice to them instead, and they will be nice to us in return.

We should also have more bunnies. Bunnies are cute and soft and cuddly. Even a Mr. Tough Guy type gets all like, "Oh look at the cute little bunny. Fuzzy, soft wittle bunny wabbit. You so cute." So how angry could Zarqawi or bin Laden be if we gave them bunnies? We could all just live in peace and harmony if we had more flowers, hugs and bunnies... And puppies and kittens too. They're good for making people feel good too.

Let's all give flowers, hugs, bunnies, kittens, and puppies, so we can have happiness and world peace. Think about it. You can't hug your children with nuclear arms.

**

Linked on Mudville Gazette
TNOYF Fake Quote Of The Day featured this. (I assume this was an error of some sort)

satire

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

Well, that about wraps it up for me for the weekend. I thought I would leave you with a blogging tip, though.

Basil, fromThe Alliance, left a great blogging tip for Thanksgiving, and I think it is just as apropos for Christmas as well.

First, you'll need to ensure you have the following:
A computer
A family
A heart

All set? Good!

Here's the suggestion. Read through it all first. Print the steps out if necessary. But follow them all:
Computer - Turn it off.
Family - Go spend time with them.
Heart - Open it to others. And use all of it to thank God for all the blessings you have received.

It seems sensible to me.

Merry Christmas!!!

How Smart Are You?

2005-12-22T21:56:00.000-05:00

Why haven't we been attacked since 9/11, 2001? Is it because:
A.) We haven't been attacked since what now?
B.) We have successfully thwarted the attempts that have been made, or
C.) It hasn't been tried

Think really hard. Try to get that brain functioning. Even if you barely have a brain. The correct answer is "C."

So why aren't we hearing about these successful operations?
A.) Media bias.
B.) It could negatively affect national security, the safety of covert operatives involved, or tip off others who are being tracked down for their involvement, or
C.) The answer to the first question was "C,"stupid. There's nothing to report.

Did you guess "C?" Good. Give yourself a cookie. You're obviously pretty smart.

Now, the important question is, if a Senator, an elected official, whom is privy to information on these thwarted attacks, depicts our anti-terrorism efforts as a failure, is he:
A.) What kind of master logician are you? There were no thwarted attacks, you monumentally stupid retard.
B.) Disregarding this knowledge to score cheap political points.
C.) A national hero, or
D.) Exercizing his right to free speech.

Haha! That was a trick question. A, C, and D are all acceptable answers. If you answered "B" to all three questions, you are clearly a jack-booted, brown shirt wearing, Nazi, fascist, neo-con. Oh, and a stupid doody-head too.

Satire

Announcing Some Carnival Stuff

2005-12-22T15:49:00.000-05:00

Cadet Humorless, at IMAO, thinks he's FrankJ, and compares my entry into the Carnival of Comedy #34 to watching paint dry.

The Skwib hosts the Carnival of Satire #14.

Satire, Carnival of Satire, Comedy, Carnival of Comedy

Holy S***! Dissent IS Patriotic

2005-12-21T22:06:00.000-05:00

I had an epiphany today. You know how the Lefties like to tell us that dissent is patriotic. Of course, we always think that saying that is a demonstration of their stupidity, but it turns out that it actually makes a lot of sense.

You see, it got me thinking (take it easy, CIA. I know you're spying on me but even if this did result in an explosion, it would be nowhere near big enough to qualify as a terrorist threat).

Now, where was I? Oh yes, I was trying to understand how it is that people intelligent enough to point out that the majority of Americans are in the bottom 99% of the population, intelligence-wise (99% in fact), can look at the same data as I do, and draw a completely out of phase conclusion from me.

Then it occurred to me that the error was mine. After all, I am decidedly in the bottom 99%, intelligence-wise, unlike our super-intelligent liberal counterparts, so clearly the flaw must be in my power of deductive reasoning.

I was determined to work this out. "Think," I said, "think." After slapping myself in the head several dozen times to get the cognitive juices flowing, it struck me. The 3 nanowatt light bulb in my brain kicked on. Eureka! I have found it!

Even closed-minded, dim-witted, black-hearted neocons like me would never deny that historical figures like George Washington, and Samuel Adams were American heroes. They were icons of the American patriotic spirit. They are remembered for their outspoken views against the Colonial (British) government. They were known for rallying against the abuses of the government, and even participated in an armed revolt against the Colonial government.

"Holy mother of Casey!" I exclaimed. Then I looked around to see if anyone heard me. They already have this odd illusion that I am somewhat unusual. Go figure.

I resorted back to internal thought. The Founding Fathers are known for expressing contempt and deep-seeded hatred for the government, and they were the embodiment of the spirit of patriotism. Liberals are known for expressing contempt and deep-seeded hatred for the government. I can only logically deduce that means that liberals are the embodiment of the spirit of patriotism.

I finally get it. Dissent really is patriotic.

**

Stop the Neocon Death Machine Linked this. I think that it was on purpose, but it's hard to tell with that Dean04prez guy.

Patriotism, Satire

Democrats Really Do Support the Troops

2005-12-20T16:52:00.000-05:00

More than a few people seem to be confused as to how the Democrats claim to support the troops, while at the same time behaving in a fashion that seems so clearly UNsupportive. I have a little educational primer to help you along, and clear up some of the confusion. Mostly this entails pointing out the difference between the troops, and the terrorists. It can sometimes be easy to confuse the two.

Lesson one:
What do you see here? Look closely. Did you guess right? This is a terrorist. You can tell because terrorists dress in street clothes and try to blend in with the ordinary citizens.

Ok, now what do you see here? These are the troops. How can you tell? Unlike the terrorists, who attempt to blend in, you can see that the troops wear protective body armor, to keep terrorist bullets from piercing vital organs.

Lesson two:
Here we see typical terrorist behavior. They are using fear and intimidation to torture the captured freedom fighter. Clearly, this in no way resembles the championing of the Iraqi people exemplified by the troops.

Now, what did you see here? Did you think that this was a picture of American soldiers? Don't be silly. American soldiers would be "going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children." Clearly, we see here, insurgent Freedom Fighters. Did you get that one right? How did you know? Look how the Freedom Fighter is welcomed by the Iraqi family. Terrorist Americans would not be appreciated in such a grateful fashion.

Lesson three:
What did you see when you saw this picture? Hmm? Saddam's Mass graves. Why, no, stupid neo-con. Thanks to evil corporate capitalist nations, poor Iraqi's were forbidden to sell their oil for profit. This left people too poor to allow for proper burial of their loved ones. It's all America's fault. Duh!

Did you see the troops in this picture? Look hard. They are the freedom fighters that have commandeered the plane. Yes, the troops have regained control of the rougue plane, and used it to sacrifice themselves in order to send an important political message about the evils of capitalism.

I hope this clears things up for you. The Democrats DO support the troops. You were just confused about who the troops were because you're a dumb, redneck neocon.

**

I get the impression that when Basil featured this, he did so with premeditation and intent.

Satire, Iraq, War, Leftist Agenda

Christians Declare War on Holiday

2005-12-19T18:56:00.000-05:00

I want the "Holy" put back in my holy day (or Holiday). There has been a concerted effort by Christians to hijack the deep meaningfulness of Holiday, and impose their clearly non-religious, meaningless celebration that they refer to as "Christmas" on the rest of us.

Sure, some of them claim that it is a religious celebration, specific to their religion, but this is nothing more than secularist propaganda, clearly.

85% of the population claims to be Christian, but many, if not most don't really adhere to the principles of the religion. It's been reported that as much as 95% of the American population celebrates Christmas. How can a day be declared to be a sacred religious holiday when it is celebrated by people who don't even subscribe to the religion in question? Yet Christians want us to believe that Christmas is some sort of special sacred day in their lives. Right.

It goes even further than that. The Christians hijacked the day from sun-god worshippers in order to impose their beliefs on the followers of these pagan religions. It's no coincidence that so-called "Christmas," and the sacred pagan rebirth celebration of the winter solstice occur at approximately the same time (and "New Years" too). The theory was that imposing their world-domination bent religion would be more palatable to the sun worshipping farmer folks if they included the important winter celebration as part of their festivities.

So, now in an effort to once again be inclusive, Christians want to impose their meaningless "Christmas" on those of us celebrating the important and meaningful Holy day of Holiday. No thanks. I don't want my Holy day stripped down to an all inclusive, mundane celebration of "Christmas." Meanwhile, Christians claiming it to be some day of religious significance.

What good is the Constitution if it does not protect religious freedom of the minority that celebrates Holiday, from the majority that wishes to impose their watered down, secular celebration of "Christmas?"

Happy freakin' Holiday to you, and I will thank you not to reply with "Merry Christmas."

**

I linked this on Funny Stuff Tuesday

Christmas, Satire

More Carnivals

2005-12-15T20:33:00.000-05:00

Radioactive Liberty gets good reviews this week from the Carnival of Satire #13 at The Skwib and Makes the top 4 at the Carnival of Comedy #33 at Right Wing Testimonial. Go tell how awesome they are, and read some funny stuff while you're there.

Satire, Carnival of Satire, Comedy, Carnival of Comedy

Election, What Election?

2005-12-15T17:25:00.000-05:00

The New York Times has announced its plan to hire illusionists David Blaine and David Copperfield to make the Iraqi election disappear from the front page, and reappear on the second to last page of the lifestyle section. “It seems like it would be easier than trying to create the illusion that the election was a failure when it’s obviously such a landmark success,” Al “A.J.” Jazeera, a PR agent of the NYT, explained.

The NYT has always prided itself on its ability to create illusions, such as the illusion that things are going poorly in Iraq, but things haven’t been going as well recently.

“Our attempts lately have looked like amateur night at the improv,” Jazeera told reporters. “People just aren’t buying into our rabbit out of the hat, quarter behind the ear, got your nose, pull my finger shtick anymore. We need to step up our game. The Davids are professionals of the highest order in their craft. I think they can really turn things around for us.”

However, a NYT insider, who requested anonymity, says that all this effort is an unnecessary expenditure. “People don’t read the New York Times anymore anyway. I see this all as being very wasteful.”

Regardless of the illusionary efforts of the NYT, the Iraqi election remains an historic event.

**

Two purple thumbs (or fingers) up for the Iraqi people on the outstanding success of democracy today.

Wonder Woman linked this (presumably on purpose), linked on Funny Stuff

Satire, Media Bias, Iraq, Grim Milestone

Iraqi Election an Ominous Portent

2005-12-14T21:45:00.000-05:00

ABC News reports that Iraq’s citizens dangle over the edge of a dangerous precipice and things couldn’t look grimmer.

Tonight Iraq is in lockdown ahead of tomorrow's historic election. Cars are banned from the streets — even the candidates are banned from the streets. There is no campaigning allowed in the 24 hours before polls open at 7 a.m. tomorrow.

Walking around Baghdad this afternoon, several Iraqis were playing soccer on the streets. Most told us they plan to vote tomorrow. One sweaty soccer player told us, "We're tired. We just want a government that's going to make our life easier." If only they could elect United States Democrats, but it just won’t be possible.

Voters will be faced with a dizzying array of candidates on a crowded ballot. “The ballot is so confusing,” one Iraqi told reporters. With nearly 7,000 candidates from more than 300 parties contesting the election, there's little to separate them, apart from the religious or ethnic group they represent.

If the Iraqis make the wrong choice, things may take a turn for the worse.

Today there was a word of caution from a prominent Sunni politician, Saleh al Mutlaq. In the garden of his dingy party headquarters in western Baghdad as American choppers clattered overhead, he told me the only hope for Iraq is a broad and secular government.

If Jafaari is re-elected, he told me, "It is a civil war. I have no doubt there will be a civil war between the government and the oppositions. I don't mean between Sunni and Shia. I mean between the government and its people."

Grim news indeed, on the eve of the election. ABC News will keep you updated on any more negative spin they can excrete from their rectums.

**

It's pretty sad that the italicized portions are the only ones NOT copied and pasted from the ABC article.
Linked on Bacon Break, Mudville Gazette

Satire (sort of), Media Bias, Iraq, Grim Milestone

2 Days To Go

2005-12-14T12:37:00.000-05:00

Vote Today for Radioactive Liberty. I'm running out of time. Help me get past Mixolidian Mode. *Yawn* I'm getting bored just thinking about the site. Just kidding. I'm sure it's very interesting to ???

Go Vote NOW!!!
Best of the Top 2501 - 3500 Blogs please, please vote.

Tookie Executed

2005-12-13T20:26:00.000-05:00

Critically acclaimed children’s book author, anti-gang activist, and 2 time Nobel Peace Prize nominee, Stanley “Tookie” Williams, 51, died at 12:35 a.m. after receiving a lethal injection at San Quentin State Prison. (link)

Williams was co-founder of an inner-city youth organization dedicated to the credo for which it was named: Community, Respect, Integrity, Patriotism, and Service. The group is most commonly known by its acronym, the CRIPS.

With all the controversy surrounding the execution of Stanley “Tookie” Williams, I had hoped to provide an exclusive interview with Albert Owens, Yen-I Yang, Tsai-Shai Chen Yang, and the couple's daughter Yu-Chin Yang Lin, to see how they weighed in on whether “Tookie” should be granted clemency for his crimes. It is now too late for that debate.

Investigators working on behalf of Radioactive Liberty worked tirelessly to track down Albert Owens, Yen-I Yang, Tsai-Shai Chen Yang, and Yu-Chin Yang Lin. We found 4 graves embossed with identical names, but found no actual living persons by those names that made credible claims that they were in fact the victims of Mr. Williams.

As Editor-in-Chief of Radioactive Liberty, I apologize to my readers for my failure to provide the other side of the story. I will continue to dig deep, and perhaps at some point will be able to provide an interview with one of the victims regarding his or her feelings on whether Tookie’s execution was just or unjust.

However, Albert Owens, Yen-I Yang, Tsai-Shai Chen Yang, and Yu-Chin Yang Lin are currently unavailable for comment.

**

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Have you Voted today for Radioactive Liberty? Remember, voting eligibility resets every 24 hours, and voting goes until December 15th. Vote every day. Best of the Top 2501 - 3500 Blogs.

Tookie, Stanley Williams, Death Penalty, Satire

The Truth Behind Cindy's Book Signing

2005-12-12T19:36:00.000-05:00

Many people have seen the photos of Cindy Sheehan at her book signing, and commented on the size of the audience present. Radioactive Liberty's secret investigative reporters have uncovered the truth behind the events.

Based on agent Deranged Monkey's eyewitness account, and digital sound recording of the alleged book signing, I have determined that it was not in fact a book signing at all, and I have fabricated a fake but accurate transcript of the real event as it transpired.

Bachelor #1, what'’s the most romantic thing you've ever done?

Mmmmmmfmmfg, gglglg.

Are you eating?

Mmmmfmfmlgmlmfmfmg *choke, cough, choke, gulp* Mmm.

Ok, moving on. Bachelors #2, what qualities would your ideal woman have?

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgh!

Um, ok. Could you expand on that?

This is the same situation we had in Vietnam. Everybody then kept saying, 'just another year, just stay the course, we'll have a victory.' Well, we didn't have a victory, and this policy cost the lives of an additional 25,000 troops because we were too stubborn to recognize what was happening.

I agree with everything you said, but it doesn't really answer the question.

Bachelor #3, Describe what kind of date you would take me on.

We could, err ah, go out, and ah, get something to eat and have a few ahdult beverages. Then we could co for a romantic drive by the ah lake. Maybe go for a swim too.

Sounds Great! I'd like to select Bachelor #3.

And that's what REALLY happened.

**

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Don't forget to place your vote again for Radioactive Liberty. Remember, voting eligibility resets every 24 hours, and voting goes until December 15th. Vote every day. Best of the Top 2501 - 3500 Blogs.

Satire, Cindy Sheehan

Grim Milestones and Conjugal Visits

2005-12-08T07:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, so there aren’t any conjugal visits, but don’t tell that to the freaks that keep finding this site by running an internet search for them.

Radioactive Liberty has reached the Grim Milestone of 5000 (unique) hits, by sitemeter's count method. I believe the actual hit #5000 to be a spam hit, so the award goes to #5001. Dr. Phat Tony. Congratulations Doc! You are the winner of a free Dr. Phat Tony's T-shirt. Feel *free* to buy one from yourself, or however that works. You can also receive one more parting gift, and all you have to do to receive it is…

Pull my finger.

**

Thanks to everyone who has visited the site since its fluorescent yellow-green inception in June. Especially those who have worked tirelessly to make it their mission to devote their lives to reading my stuff. One question though; don’t you people have jobs? I’m guessing no.

**

Please go and place your vote again for Radioactive Liberty. Remember, voting eligibility resets every 24 hours, and voting goes until December 15th. Vote every day. Best of the Top 2501 - 3500 Blogs.

Carnivals for the Weekend

2005-12-08T07:48:00.000-05:00

Blonde Sagacity has the Carnival of Comedy #32

The Skwib has the Carnival of Satire #12

Carnival of Comedy, Comedy, Carnival of Satire, Satire

In Remembrance

2005-12-07T21:20:00.000-05:00

“Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” - George Orwell

On this day in 1941, Pearl Harbor was attacked by the Japanese. President Roosevelt responded by immediately requesting a declaration of war against Japan. The next morning, Congress passed the declaration. We fought to win. It was costly, but we did win.

However, today is not about politics or policies. Today belongs to commemoration and remembrance of those who sacrificed for our freedom. Today I honor and give thanks to those who fought and died for freedom all across the world. We did not restrict our combat to just the nations that the enemy would call home. We fought in the Philippines. We fought in Africa and many other theaters across the world. We went wherever the enemy was, and we lost many thousands of men.

There are those who returned home horribly disfigured. There are those who returned home in coffins, and there are those who never returned home at all. Millions more contributed in their own ways, here at home. They sacrificed, by rationing. They did whatever was necessary to support the troops in any way they could, even though they didn’t fight.

Today I honor those people, who gave for their country, so that the next generation would not have to. Today I am humbled, and even humiliated by the greatness exhibited by an entire generation of American citizens. Today I salute everyone who gave so much to stop the destructive spread of evil that threatened to consume the entire world. I am in awe of their contribution, and I am sobered by the horrible cost of our liberty. I can only hope to strive to be as great as those that gave their lives, blood, and livelihoods, but I know that I will fail to achieve.

Today I reach deep into my heart, and I feel a lump in my throat, and my eyes fill with tears, because I know that all to often, I take for granted the freedom I have, and at least for today, I have dedicated myself to focusing on the great price that was paid for my benefit.

Today, I stand in remembrance of the greatest generation. From the bottom of my heart, I give my most sincere gratitude. Thank you. I am forever indebted to you.

Sincerely,

Michael James Fitch

**

Cross Posted on Love America First

Linked on Ferdy, Stop the ACLU, Third World County, Diane's Stuff

Democrats Relive Vietnam

2005-12-06T21:24:00.000-05:00

The Democrats can’t seem to get past the Vietnam template. Every lesson they learned from those formative years was wrong. They continue to align themselves with the enemies of America, and do so intentionally with the demise of the American way in their hearts. Why would they purposefully engage in the willing destruction of America? Because they operate under the premise that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend,” and the big enemy is the U.S. The Great Satan.

So how did they get there? Like in Vietnam, where the evil capitalist nations, led by the U.S., attacked the poor innocent, thriving, peaceful, communist nation of Vietnam, today’s conflict brings the Great Satan to yet another peaceful, prosperous, innocent, and thriving nation: Iraq. Once again, the U.S. Seeks to impose its evil Capitalist will on a decidedly non-capitalist society.

It’s no mistake at all that the Democrats of today are staunchly allied with the Terrorist cells that our troops are fighting. It’s by design, just as the alliance that they forged with the communists was because communism and the hippies had a common enemy: Capitalism.

John Kerry comes out and once again compares our troops with the cries of “baby killers” that were chanted repugnantly at the men who served those few decades ago. He said,

"and there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, uh-uh-uh, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the -- of -- of -- of -- historical customs, religious customs, whether you like it or not. " (Link)(H/T - Third World County)

I mused recently about the attempt to once again equate our soldiers in this war with the “war criminal” mentality associated with them in the Vietnam era. I said,”They say that hundreds of thousand of innocent civilians died at the hands of our troops, but claim to support the troops. How long until veterans of this war get spit upon and called baby killers?”

Let me be first to say that if our soldiers are getting called “baby killers,” being spat upon, and routinely dishonored when they come home, like they were then. I will be first in line to put my steel toe clad boot through the f***ing mouth of the person responsible for such an atrocious act. I won’t stop there either. When they lay comatose, limp and lifeless in a murky puddle of their own blood, I will top it off with a hearty spit in their face. I’m not kidding. Watch your step Liberals, because you tread dangerously close to the territory of unforgivable acts.

Howard Dean says,

“This is the same situation we had in Vietnam. Everybody then kept saying, 'just another year, just stay the course, we'll have a victory.' Well, we didn't have a victory, and this policy cost the lives of an additional 25,000 troops because we were too stubborn to recognize what was happening." (H/T JimmyB the CUG)

Unnecessary proof of the fact that the lessons Democrats learned in Vietnam were, “don’t go to war” and “don’t stay too long.” The lessons they ought to have learned are, “Fight to win,” and "don’t use propaganda to turn victories into defeats.” (See Tet Offensive)

You may now attempt to persuade me that I’m not always right.

**

Other links of interest: The American Thinker

One more thing, Let's hope this isn't true.

Linked on Ferdy

Iraq, War, Politics, Leftist Agenda

Wasted

2005-12-06T12:37:00.000-05:00

Earlier today, a spokesperson for the People for Government Efficiency, a non-partisan advocacy group, announced the formation of a bipartisan commission that will investigate the causes of and possible solutions for government inefficiency.

The commission will spend the next 12 years studying the causes of government waste, and evaluating methods by which bureaucratic waste can be curtailed. It will cost an estimated 29.8 billion dollars per year.

At the conclusion of the study the commission will issue a report of recommendations for Congress to employ in order to reduce the size and scope, and more importantly the cost of the federal government.

Responsible Government Now, a neo-conservative, interest group with close ties to the Bush administration, suggested that the commission is the very epitome of what is wrong with the government. Joe-Jack Thompson, spokesperson for the lobby group based in the notoriously ultra-conservative state of Texas told reporters, “This commission is the perfect example of government waste and inefficiency that we are fighting against.”

Vote Today for Radioactive Liberty.. Voting Eligibilty resets Daily.
Best of the Top 2501 - 3500 Blogs please, please vote.

**

Linked on Right Wing Nation, Conservative Cat

Weblog Awards: Time to Vote

2005-12-05T18:19:00.000-05:00

The Finalist round for the 2005 Weblog Awards seems to be up and running... Mostly. I plan to endorse a few of my favorites to vote for, as well as asking for you to vote for Radioactive Liberty. I'm not endorsing too many sites, as the list for all categories is extensive.

My Endorsements are:

Best Canadian Blog: Samantha Burns

Best of the Top 3501 - 5000 Blogs: Insolublog - If you're not familiar with this site, go spend half an hour over there, and then Vote for him. He is most deserving and also trailing at the moment.

My final endorsement is entirely selfish in nature. In the category of
Best of the Top 2501 - 3500 Blogs please, please vote for Radioactive Liberty.

Categories that are up and running have a VOTE link in the middle of the screen under the category header. With your help I can win this thing, but I can't win if you don't vote.

Now, there is also a Canadian Blog awards and i endorse A North American Patriot for Best Conservative Blog, and Sam again for Best Humor Blog and Best Personal Blog.

Again. Vote. You can vote once each day per category, so if you already voted for best humor blog, you still are eligible to vote for Best of the Top 2501 - 3500 Blogs (and that vote would be for me, I hope.) Tomorrow, it a resets, and you get to vote again. These rules apply to both polls.

Go now! Vote!

Health Advice: Doggy Style

2005-12-04T12:48:00.000-05:00

Remember, it's never too cold for a nice swim. Swimming is one of the keys to good health.

And don't be afraid to chew on a refreshing piece of ice from time to time.

Posted by Isis

Shameful Admission

2005-12-02T17:41:00.000-05:00

Under heavy criticism for his support for Bush’s illegal war for oil in Iraq, Michael Fitch, most widely known as a rising star in the world of web log publishing (commonly known as “blogging”) has admitted to dodging the draft during the Vietnam War. He unleashed a firestorm of controversy when he responded to Vietnam veteran, and war hero, Congressman John Murtha’s recent remarks by making baseless and libelous personal attacks against the decorated 37 year veteran marine.

Yesterday, Fitch held a small press conference outside his southeastern Pennsylvania ranch style home, in which he admitted that his conduct during the Vietnam War was more than a mere youthful indiscretion. “The fact that I wasn’t born until 1972 is no justification,” Fitch said. “It was unconscionable for me not to serve my country. Reprehensible even.”

Fitch, who publishes under the acronym “FIAR,” meaning “Fitch is always right” went on to say, “Now that I have had a few years to look back at how I behaved, I feel very ashamed at my failure to answer the call to duty that was issued to all Americans. Indeed, I am a chicken hawk.”

Fitch also wanted to apologize for the manner in which he has misrepresented himself. He said, “I would like to apologize to Uber, FMRagtops, Von, and my 2 other unknown readers for my shameful conduct. I thought myself to be an honorable person, but it is now clear to me that being a veteran of Vietnam is the most important thing. I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

**

Linked on Samantha Burns, Point Five

Radioactive Liberty is Going to the Dogs

2005-12-01T22:55:00.000-05:00

Hi. I’m Isis. You may recognize me from the ad for Dr. Phat Tony’s Swag on the sidebar over there. Doc’s Swag has given me abilities far beyond those of your average dog, such as walking upright and the ability to type.

Sometimes my master needs a little break and a little help in keeping Radioactive Liberty updated. So I have joined the team here at RL.

Unlike my human master, who refuses to do an “about me” post, I have decided that I will tell you a little about myself. I am a 2 year old Border collie/ Labrador retriever mix. I have very good hearing and outstanding eyesight. In other words, I am a watchdog, and an excellent one at that.

I am a dog, and as such, I recognize my place. I realize that I am the pet, and my human is the master (unlike some cats that think it’s the other way around. *cough* Ferdy *cough*. Oh, he’s pretty smart, for a cat, but he seems to think he's the boss.)

Most of you know my master by the name Fitch, or his new acronym, FIAR. All you tasty, delicious (especially with cheese sauce) moonbats take note, FIAR is an acronym, not a pseudonym. He’s got nothing to hide. He just wishes to proclaim his astounding accuracy by pointing out that he’s always right.

I look forward to keeping my eye on the yummy moonbats, and offering my own observational skills to my master’s weblog. BTW, in case you haven’t guessed, my favorite snack food is moonbats. *Licks lips* Mmm… Moonbats.

That ought to do for now. I hope you enjoy what I have to offer.

Linked on Conservative Cat

Point Five Brought the Cake

2005-11-30T18:23:00.000-05:00

Point Five brought the cake. Thanks, but no thanks guys. I’ll take a pass on that one.

I thought I would come up with a few slogans in honor of my birthday, so without further ado:

Celebrating 33 years of always being right.

Offending the monumentally stupid since 1972.

Who brought the deranged monkey to the party? (OK so that’s not exactly a slogan.)

33? You call that a Grim Milestone?

Suggestions?

Franz Ferdinand

2005-11-30T17:20:00.000-05:00

Last night I got the new Franz Ferdinand album, You Could Have Had It So Much Better. I’m totally digging it.

Anyway, I show up to work today, and I have it cranked up to pain inducing volume level. I pulled into my parking space at work, yeah, I said MY parking space, wanna fight about it? The car is shaking from the music, and bouncing from me “dancing” in the seat.

Then reality sets in. I have to shut off the car, and thus the music, and go clock in. CRAP! I was enjoying myself way too much to do that. OK, soon as this song is over, I promise.

Right off the bat FF hits a home run with the lines:
So they say that you’re a troubled boy
Just because you like to destroy
All the things that bring the idiots joy.
Well, what’s wrong with a little destruction?

Not to mention that it’s a killer song anyway.

It took all of 30 minutes to be told to turn it down once I set it up to play in my workstation system. My point is, go get the new Franz Ferdinand. The best songs are tracks 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12, and 13. Okay, so that’s ALL of them.

So, what are you waiting for. Go get it… NOW!

It's My Grim Milestone and I'll Bitch If I Want To

2005-11-29T12:32:00.000-05:00

So today is my birthday, and I’m pissed. “Why would someone be pissed off on such a Grim Milestone?” You might ask. After all, Grim Milestones are cause for celebration.

Well, I’ve worked for my company for a total of about 8 years now. I worked for a little over 2 years the first time, and I’m approaching my 6th year this time around. Anyway, this is my 8th birthday while working here.

I have learned to accept the fact that I’m not allowed to take my birthday off, because my boss goes hunting, as does one other employee. We only have 10 people, so 2 people off, especially when one of them is my boss, is the limit. In all my time here, I’ve never had my birthday off, except when it falls on the weekend.

I can even accept the fact that I have to “share” my birthday with one of the salespeople. Yup, even with the small number of employees we have, I have the same birthday as one other person. YAY!

What has me severely pissed off right now is that *I* can’t take the day off, even as a planned vacation day, because we have 2 people off today, but some young guy, that hasn’t even worked here for a year, decides to call off today. What a dickhead.

So, basically, unless things go really slow today, I’m screwed. This jerk that called off left me hanging, as the only person in my department to get the job done, on my birthday.

*Sigh*

I’ll make it through of course, and I’ll hope that my boss rips into Mr. Part-Timer when my boss gets back from his happy hunting.

Until then, Eff you Kevin!

And Happy Birthday to Me!

UPDATE: It looks like I better bring the KY with me when I come back from lunch. Thanks a lot Kevin. I know where you live.

Post-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Post

2005-11-28T18:53:00.000-05:00

Well, Thanksgiving is over, and we’re all back to work. Time to wake up from your tryptophan induced stupors. The 4 day weekend is over. I took a break from posting over the weekend, as I seem to do on a regular basis, weekly in fact. Honestly, what do I do? One or two posts a week?

Many people, who aren’t me, did some sort of tribute to Thanksgiving. Some posted a list of things they have to be thankful for, like “I am thankful for my beautiful child, with her 8 fingers, 11 toes, and perfect beautiful bushy tail.”

Or that they are thankful for those who have served (past and present, combat and non-combat), bravely in defense of our nation, like, “I am grateful for the courageous men and women who have volunteered to fight the evil Luxembourgian chin-surgeons in the controversial War for Limburger.”

Others took a religious tact, like, “Dear Lord, Thank you so much for being the Lord of all Lords. You are the Lordiest Lord of all Lords, Lord. I am forever humbled by your Lordiness, Lord. I indeed there is no Lordier Lord than thou.”

Still others provided historical background on the holiday. For example, “Thanksgiving was first celebrated in 1953, when President Lincoln declared war on Luxembourg, and everyone gave thanks for the fact that we had a Republican President in a time of war.”

I however, just took the time off to spend time with the family. I sincerely hope you thoroughly enjoyed your holiday.

Super Late Carnival Announcements

2005-11-28T17:40:00.000-05:00

Well, here I am on Monday announcing the arrival of Carnivals that have been up and running since Thursday.

The Carnival of Satire #10 is a must. Go read it at The Skwib. This week it features 22 entries. I think that's a new high.

The Carnival of Comedy #30 is being held at Immature With No Conscience. Can You believe it?

Sorry I'm so woefully late with the linkage.

Carnival of Comedy, Comedy, Carnival of Satire, Satire

2 The X-treme

2005-11-22T23:34:00.000-05:00

Well, now I get it. They were just advertising the arrival of the X-Games to CNN this winter. Why waste valuable broadcast time that could be used to pimp out more of your networks broadcasts?

H/T Point Five, Wizbang

Also See TNOYF

UPDATE: Stop the ACLU reports, "the “X” was intentional, as an act of free speech by CNN."

Media Bias, MSM, CNN

OSM Has Competition

2005-11-22T17:32:00.000-05:00

Lately, the blog'Osphere had been abuzz about OSM (Open Source Media). IMAO pointed out that the most commonly asked question about OSM is, " WTF?"

I plan to capitalize on this confusion and cash in big by forming my own competing company. This company will be called Apple Saurce Media. No. I didn't misspell that. It's Apple Saurce Media.

My business plan for world domination goes as follows:

1. Collect applesauce

2. ???????

3. Profit, or eat a lot of applesauce

If you would like to find your path to fame and fortune, join me in my quest to crush the OSM and render them an obscure but confusing and painful memory. You will be given a weekly salary of however much applesauce you collect but fail to turn into profit.

Collection of applesauce begins immediately. Please do NOT send me any applesauce. I don't like the stuff. You will also not profit from this strategy.

If you wish to join the ASM and be wealthy beyond all your wildest dreams, please leave a comment in the shockwaves section. I am also open to suggestions to improving this business model.

Linked on Those Bastards, The Business of America is Business

Third World County, is not too impressed with the OSM either. That's just more good news for ASM.

Muahahahahaha! Open Souce Media has crumbled into oblivion, or at least changed it's name back to Pajamas Media. Victory is mine!

OSM, Satire, Pajamas

Indianapolis Calls to Withdraw From NFL

2005-11-18T20:00:00.000-05:00

As the league's only undefeated team, the Colts know that every team will be gunning for them every week. And this week's team may have even more motivation when Indianapolis (9-0) visits the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday. (Link)

Assistant defensive coordinator John Murtha has called for the immediate withdrawal of the Colts from the NFL. He issued a statement yesterday stsing his concern for the well being of the teams players.

Players get hurt. I've seen broken ribs, torn knee ligaments, concussions, and even career ending injuries.

John Murtha's voice cracked and tears filled his eyes as he told of his visits with wounded players - and called for the immediate withdrawal of their comrades in the NFL. (Link)

Murtha is a hall of fame linbacker who won 2 superbowl in the 70's with the Steelers.

Some critics have suggested that it doesn't make any sense to forfeit the season when it is going so well. One fan of the Colts said, "Why would you quit when your dominating all your opponents? We could win the whole thing this year."

Murtha sarcastically responded by saying, "I like guys who've never been there that criticize us who've been there."

The human cost is just too high. How many players have to have career ending injuries before we realize that playing football just isn't worth the suffering it causes?

***

Don't forget to check out the Carnival of Comedy #29: A Grim Milestone

Linked on Right Wing Nation, Point Five, Stop the ACLU, TMH's Bacon Bits, Samantha Burns, Wizbang
Murtha, Iraq, War, Satire, NFL

Angry Leftists Want It Both Ways

2005-11-18T19:21:00.000-05:00

Let's see, Liberal Democrats think dodging the draft in Vietnam was a great thing to do. It was noble to be a conscientious objector. They want to keep recruiters of today from recruiting. Yet, talking out of the other side of their anuses they decry that members of the current administration did not serve in Vietnam.

They spit on our soldiers when they returned from Vietnam, yet at the same time, the same group of people want to hold up veterans as model citizens when it serves their purpose. They called our soldiers baby killers back then, but now they want to declare certain veterans as being above reproach when it's politically expedient.

They declare that we don't have enough troops to finish the job, but at the same time, want to bring them home, because the human cost is too high.

They say that hundreds of thousand of innocent civilians died at the hands of our troops, but claim to support the troops. How long until veterans of this war get spit upon and called baby killers?

Hippies, you can't have everything both ways.

You may now attempt to persuade me that I'm not always right.

Original Comments

Iraq, War, Politics

Carnival of Comedy #29

2005-11-17T08:00:00.000-05:00

Well, it's the Carnival of Comedy #29. I bet you didn't know that. Everyone seems to have lost count. Grim Milestones abound in the 29th installment of the carnival, and as we all know, Grim Milestones mean party time. What better way to celebrate the Grim Milestone of Radioactive Liberty's 100th post than hosting a carnival? This means yet another RL Grim Milestone: The first time anyone could ever find something funny here. So let's get on with "teh funny" then, huh?

200 Megaton Blast - The Funniest of teh funny

Wonder Woman explains the symptoms and treatment for a new disease afflicting millions of moonbats across the nation. It's perhaps an evolution of the Post Election Stress Trauma that ravaged the nation one year ago. (A North American Patriot)

A4G imagines San Francisco, sans gun ownership, would be much like popular video game series Grand Theft Auto. See the ad, then buy the game. (Point Five)

Pluto's Dad uncovers the truth about Democrats and WMD's. Needless to say, we don't call 'em DUmmies for nothin'. (Eye on the Ball News)

Laurence Simon gives us a little Q&A about Saddam's children. Complete with Comic Strip. I like pictures. (This Blog Is Full Of Crap)

Buckley F. Williams stakes out the moral High Ground and tells us why TNOYF didn't jump into the fray of reporting Hot Lesbian Cheerleader Sex. Oddly, it seems that he reports on hot lesbian cheerleader sex by taking the high road on ethical journalism about hot lesbian cheerleader sex. (Go Sitemeter!) (The Nose On Your Face)

Dr. E. Scientist explains the beliefs of an evil scientist, from a mad scientist's point of view. (Where's the Ka-Boom?)

Jack's Shack Explains about an encounter with a suicide bomber of another kind. (Random Thoughts: Do they Have Meaning?)

TNT Test Site Blasting - Still powerful, but not as powerful as a 200 megaton nuclear warhead

Playah Grrl gives us a creative mixture of H.P.Lovecraft and Dark Rovian conspiracy theories, all brought to you by the NYT Double Select Top Secret Content. (LGC: An Experiment in Community)

Jimmy B Fills up his monster truck at a nearby local gas station, and almost pulls a fast one on the cashier. A word of advice to Jimmy, 99 cent beer? Yuck! I like the good stuff, and only the good stuff. (The Conservative UAW Guy)

Sean S teams up with his brother Jermcool on a new blog, and Sean gives us a probable view on who first thought up eating Kidneys, on purpose. (The Brothers Dim)

Rory imagines a world with an American Idol spinoff in Every. Single. Country. In the World. A nightmare of epic proportions indeed. Language (What Not to Do in Australia)

Hoodlumman Tells about the Fox News crisis resulting from being unable to overhype an event for 2 months straight. (File It Under)

Tommy gives us the recap of an argument between Keith Olberman and Pat Buchannan... Over the fact that Pat Buchannan is not Pat Robertson. Poor, dumb Keith. (Striving For Average)

Ellison provides an example of how young children sometimes answer questions too literally. This would have ranked higher if it had a "show it/hide it" tag. Language (Blog D'Ellison)

Bob ponders the joys of mixing socialism and legalized prostitution. After all, what could be better than a government run brothel? (Either Orr)

Mark continues the Q&A of General Kang. I don't think I will vote for General Kang in the next election. (The Skwib)

Ironman explains the mumbo, and the jumbo of doctors and hospital staff in words we common folk can understand. I am Iron-Man.! DAH, da, dadada, da da da da da da da, da, da DAH. Sorry, I just couldn't resist. (Political Calculations)

50 Caliber M-107 - Not as damaging as TNT and Nukes, but still effective at killing Terrorists and inflicting laughter.

Mark shows us some of the contradictory advice contained in "Life's Little Instruction Book." (Runalong With Pastor Mark)

Proud Mary decides she doesn't much like the resident skunk anymore. So what if she once thought it looked cute. Language (Proud Mary)

Miriam explains that going to the blood lab and going to the tribal witch doctor aren't all that different. The main difference is the lack of farm animals at the blood lab. (Miriam's Ideas)

Mr. Right reports the Democrat's strategy to slow their out of control downward spiral out of power. (The Right Place)

Andrew considers a few plausible theories for getting rid of the darkness of nighttime. I'm torn on which method I favor. (Andrew's Ridiculously Stupid Ideas)

Ricky gives advice on using cell phones in airplanes. (In Search of What's Next)

Erin O'Brien Tells a story about what happens when you get a 22Lb ham for a family of 3. MMMM Ham. (Erin O'Brien's Owners Manual)

Peemil Shows us a brave new world, where people finally give peace a chance, and spend the rest of their time spanking the monkey. Language (Where Are My Socks?)

Ahistoricality makes fun of Pat Robertson by giving a Woody Guthrie song new Lyrics. (Ahistoricality)

David makes fun of Pat Robertson too. Should he really be looking at teenage girls that way? (Horn+Swoggled)

200 Motels tries to figure out how to market wine to redneck cowboys in Texas.

Kyle Rants about how he doesn't care what people think. Well Kyle, what makes you think we care what you think? I think that made sense, but I don think I think clearly enough to know if I think I thought I.... Oh forget it. (Guns and Glory)

Failed Suicide Belt - Just not worthwhile

Jack Cluth Writes an entirely non-humorous commentary, that I suppose is interesting if you are an America hating, terrorist hugging, communist, DUmmy moonbat that's obsessed with hatred for the President. Note to Jack: It's the Carnival of Comedy not the Carnival of Commentary here. Anyway, Jack took the opportunity to accuse the President of being the one re-writing history in his Veterans Day speech. Let's all go there anyway and start a flame war in the comments section. NSFW: Moonbattery (The People's Republic of Seabrook)

Also there was one more submission that only linked to a main page. I think it was a spam site. Let's celebrate the Grim Milestone of a Carnival of Comedy Spammers post. YAY!

So there you have it folks, the 29th CoC. Thanks to all who participated. I hope you enjoyed it. It was tough sorting things by ranking due to the generous abundance of talent.

Tune in next time as YOU host the carnival because you sent an email to Spacemonkey saying, "Dear Spacemonkey, I know you need hosts for the Carnival of Comedy, and I would love to be a host." Seriously. Think there's a long waiting list? WRONG!

Thanks to IMAO for sponsoring the CoC. It's where it all got started you know. Without them, we wouldn't be here. To see Spacemonkey's woefully out of date FAQ info on the Carnival of Comedy go Here.

Send your submissions for the next Carnival of Comedy by using the Carnival Submission Form. Scroll through the list and find the appropriate carnival, highlight it and fill out the rest.

Wow! After all that, I think I need a smoke.

Carnival of Comedy, Comedy, Grim Milestone

In Case You Needed Proof

2005-11-16T22:40:00.000-05:00

Liberals are always trying to foil our evil plots of world domination, oil exploitation, and such. They're always trying to keep us from things we strive for, like hating gays, and killing blacks with hurricane aftermaths. They don't want to allow the dark Rovian conspiracies to continue. They don't want to let us torture people. Why should they get to have all the fun?

I figure, I might as well just come clean, and reveal myself for the conservative personification of evil that I am.

Back to torturing people, who hasn't had a sack placed on their head, and been stripped down and humiliated? Hasn't EVERYONE been in a homo pyramid? These sorts of thing are pillars of the college fraternity. I mean, come on now. When did hazing get defined as torture.

Next thing you know, it's going to be "torture" for our good, brave soldiers to play a rousing game of strip poker. Let's not even get into the ramifications of a friendly game of "Pig." Perish the thought.

In summary. Yes, we conservatives are the epitome of evil. I admit it, just in case you needed proof.

French Rioter Car Burnings

2005-11-15T21:42:00.000-05:00

It seems that French rioters may be torching cars because they are tired of driving crappy, tedious Peugeots and Citroens, But at least one person seems to wish he had a Peugeot.

Click the link and see the video. Clicking the link will not direct you to another page, it will begin the video download.

Eagles Blow It (Again)

2005-11-15T00:19:00.000-05:00

Congratulations Andy Reid and the Eagles on your Craptacular season. Am I wrong to think that the Eagles could play just as poorly with a backup QB and McLoser not playing with his "sports hernia?"

Congratulations to McChunky soup on throwing the ball to where the reciever was 5 seconds earlier, when all the Eagles had to do was hang on to the ball and the game was all but won. Or did he forget which team was in the white jerseys?

Damn it! I f**king hate being a Philadelphia fan. I'm fed up with loser teams that haven't the slightest clue how to win a game, even when they ARE winning the game.

Losers.

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Eagles , Football , Sports , NFL , Craptacular

Care to Explain This?

2005-11-15T00:01:00.000-05:00

Everyday I get several referrals from this search, or a similar one. Ever since I posted this article. What I can't figure out is, why are so many people querying search engines for this?

Anyone care to explain, or guess at least?

(Click the pic to embiggen)

Carnival Announcement

2005-11-10T12:31:00.000-05:00

The Carnival of Comedy #28 is being hosted at Almost Average. You too have a chance to win one of the prizes, and you don't need to buy magazine subscriptions to do it. You just need to go check it out for yourself.

More importantly, the NEXT Carnival of Comedy will be hosted HERE!!! at Radioactive Liberty. Please be kind and get your submissions in early. Use this Carnival Submission Form.

Mark Rayner has the Carnival of Satire #8 at The Sqwib. For once, I didn't forget to submit an entry, but most everyone else did.

Carnival of Comedy, Comedy, Carnival of Satire, Satire

Venus Probed

2005-11-08T19:33:00.000-05:00

In an effort to further understand the differences in how men and women respond to humor, scientists on Tuesday readied a Russian booster rocket carrying a European-built probe.

The European Space Agency's Venus Express probe was originally scheduled to go up Oct. 26, but the launch was postponed after checks revealed a problem with the thermal insulation in the upper section of the Soyuz-Fregat rocket.

Scientific studies of how the male and female brains react to humor showed that women were more analytical in their response, and felt more pleasure when they decided something really was funny. It is believed that women subject humor to a more thorough analytical process than men.

"Venus is still a big mystery," said Gerhard Schwehm, head of the planetary missions at ESA. "This probe should really start to clarify the differences between men and women once it reaches it's destination." Not only is Venus the nearest planet to Earth within the solar system, but it is also believed to be heavily populated with women.

The mission, however, is not without it's detractors. Dr. Allan L. Reiss of the Stanford University School of Medicine said, "The long trip to Mars or Venus is hardly necessary to see that men and women often perceive the world differently. It doesn't take a lot of analytical machinery to think someone getting poked in the eye is funny."

It will take 163 days, or roughly five months, for the $260 million probe to reach Venus. Quite a large sum of money to find out that it's funny for someone to get poked in the eye.

Find more on this article Here and Here

Linked on Mudville Gazette, Diane's Stuff, Third World County

Humor, Funny, Humour, Venus , Space, European Space Agency

Stupid Commercial

2005-11-03T21:11:00.000-05:00

There's an ad on the radio that just makes me want to go on a wild, blissful shooting spree. (Hopefully I will bag more hippies than innocent civilians) It's the exact same one that's been running for years now, and it's gotta stop. I'm talking about the commercial that says wearing glasses or corrective lenses leads to worse vision. Would it be at all possible for these people to use some meager element of logic here? Is that possible?

According to this absurd advertisement, people who wear glasses need to keep getting stronger and stronger prescriptions. Obviously, the reason for this is that the glasses are causing the degradation in visual capacity. Right? I don't know. Is it, maybe, possible that the degenerative condition that caused the need for corrective lenses may be responsible for the need to get a stronger prescription? Of course it is, Stupid!

If you want to do eye exercises, go ahead. Knock yourself out. I recommend the spin class, although I hear it can cause dizziness. They must have a crack research staff to come to such a scientifically sound conclusion that wearing glasses leads to poor eyesight. There isn't any confusing of cause and effect here, is there?

Let's see. Using their reasoning, I can come up with a theory of my own. I remember being ill with a cold last winter. One day I had pizza for dinner and the next day I felt worse. Evidently, it was the pizza that made the cold worse. Then on that day I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. I started to feel better the next day. Clearly the PBJ had healing powers. I recommend PBJ to get over a cold. Hey, it's as scientific as this company's outlandish claim.

Let's try another, in quiz form. The other night as the young'un was getting tucked into bed, the dog was nowhere to be seen. The door was closed. A few minutes later, upon opening the door, I observed that the dog was lying on the young'un's bed. How did she get there if the door was closed?

A.) She apparently has magical abilities to render herself invisible at will.
B.) She has the power to transport herself like the characters in Star Trek, de-materializing in one place and then re-materializing in another.
C.) She was under the bed before I closed the door, then crawled out and hopped on the bed after I left.

Certainly the writers of this ad would select "A" as the preferred answer, knowing that transporter technology is unavailable as of yet. Anyone with even the most diminutive fragment of a brain can determine the correct answer, but I'm guessing these folks can't.

Ugh! I'm so sick of that preposterous ad.

Linked on Mudville Gazette, Don Surber, Wizbang, Stop the ACLU, Point Five

Humor, Funny, Humour

Carnival Comprehending Capitalization

2005-11-03T20:36:00.000-05:00

Sun Comprehending Glass has the Carnival of Comedy #27 this week. What it doesn't have is capital letters. Go check it out.

Carnival of Comedy, Comedy, Carnival of Satire, Satire

Just a Reminder

2005-11-02T15:11:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to set your clocks back 1 hour last weekend. Just making sure you knew why you've been showing up for work 1 hour early.

DUmmies Answer

2005-11-01T19:50:00.000-05:00

It's time for the answers to Ask a DUmmy. This was a risky covert, double secret undercover operation. I sent my best agent into hostile territory. Fortunately, neither Scooter Libby, nor Karl Rove, nor Bob Novak, or whomever, did not blow Agent 00Stupid's covert identity.

Lonewacko: Illegal immigration said:

Congratulate some of them on their pro-American illegal immigration stance. Ask the others why they support illegal immigration, and thus end up supporting:

- the Bush administration and their corporate backers' unquenchable thirst for cheap, compliant labor
- racial demagogues who, for instance, would like to turn the U.S. southwest into a - the Mexican government's scheme to send their excess population north, thus avoiding political reform and enriching their corrupt elite

This is sure a difficult infiltration operation. Agent 00Stupid reports:

- The employers are profiting, everyone else is suffering, and the labor unions are helpless to fight the abuse of the labor force. That's just the way the Bushies like it.*
- no one wins except the employers of the illegal immigrants, who get what is basically a form indentured servants with no rights or protections at all.*
- They are exploiting the immigrants and screwing over the American workers at the same time.*

Agent DM (Deranged Monkey), who specializes in de-encrypting DUmmy transmissions, reports that what this means is that even the DUmmies oppose Illegal immigration, in theory, (Although not for reasons of national security) but they are too wrapped up in political correctness to speak out against it in practice, other than to use it to criticize Bush.

My assessment is that these people don't know how to offer solutions. They only know how to offer criticism.

A4G asked,

I'd like to know who should be nominated for the AJ position: Alito, JRB, or Luttig?

Unfortunately, by the time that Agent 00Stupid was debriefed, Alito was already picked as the nominee. However, there was one intercepted transmission that was prior to Alitio getting the nod:

- Luttig or Alito The two names being mentioned now. The worst of the worst and the Christian Right's dream come true. If the Democrats in Congress don't filibuster either of these two, they may as well disband as a Party and go home. Declare this country a totalitarian theocracy and end the hypocrisy.*
- The 06 election won't matter once another extremist gets on the Court.*
- Supposedly, Alito has the inside track. With a nickname like "Scalito" you just know he has to be a nazi.*

Agent DM says that this means the DUmmies pretty much hate the options you mentioned. The Nazi card and the Theocracy card were thrown out there. My assessment is that this seems to be a good indicator that we have ourselves a good nominee with Alito.

FMRagtops said:

Ask them if they can tell you why Scooter wasn't indicted for leaking the name of a covert agent when he was indicted for lying about not doing it...Does that question make sense? One more question, since when does indictment mean guilty?

- Apparently Pigboy's lawyer coughed up an email that was sent from Pigboy right after he apparently "leaked" allegedly proving he was really busy with other stuff and could have forgotten he "leaked." Pahleeeeze.*
- Rove couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it.*

Agent DM says "Pigboy" is Karl Rove. My analysis is that he wasn't indicted because Rove is a liar, and Rove is a liar because he is a Rethuglican. Libby's a Rethuglican, ergo, guilty.

SeanS asked:

Ask them what I. Lewis 'Scooter' Libby actually did wrong. I for one, don't really know.

Agent 00Stupid had a great deal of difficulty determining a way to find the answer to your question, but here's what he reports:

- I think Libby's indictment is part of the reason Miers withdrew/was asked to withdraw. So that now bush can put in 2 conservatives in and effectively shield himself and his party, if all this goes to the supreme court over the next couple years.*
- When you consider that had it been released in October 2004, without the stonewalling from the Reporters, then Scooter would have been indicted just before the Election. Talk about your "October Surprise". Sure the Repugniks would have claimed that Fitzgerald was Politically motivated, however the result would have been our winning across the board by landslides. The Repugniks left to run for office would have been tainted by the Bush Cabal for years.*

Agent DM say that this whole Libby thing is very difficult to comprehend for his meager simian brain. My assessment is that the newest version of the story is that the great Rove/Miller/Libby conspiracy got Bush re-elected, thus proving that Bush stole BOTH of his elections.

Thanks for participating in the first ever Ask a DUmmy. It's really hard work being a secret agent man.

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Happy Halloween

2005-10-31T15:12:00.000-05:00

Since I must indulge in pagan rituals on this hallowed evening, (good thing I don't live in the Commiewealth of Taxachussets) there's still time to ask a DUmmy. You will have until Tuesday afternoon, and I should have the answers by sometime Tuesday night. I don't know the permalink, and I can't acces it through work here. It's the next item down on the main page here. Damn websense. I'm just gald I can send submissions through email. Don't forget to ask a DUmmy, and Happy halloween.

Ask a DUmmy

2005-10-29T10:12:00.000-04:00

I have decided that maybe I can help out my blog O'spheric friends by offering up an advice column here at Radioactive Liberty. Ask anything you want about society, politics, personal hygiene, relationships, or whatever is on your mind. I will use my double secret DUh identity to find out the answers to your queries from DUmmies, Kossaks, and various other moonbat types.

Keep in mind that the answers may be prone to vitriolic personal attacks, because these people aren't too smart. I will have your answers on Monday or Tuesday, depending on how compliant the DUmmies are.

Linked on Stop the ACLU, Point Five, Wizbang

Comedy by Ronco

2005-10-28T09:47:00.000-04:00

Get over to Shoot a Liberal and pick up Ron Popiel's latest invention, the Carnival of Comedy #26. Act now supplies are limited, and they're going fast.

The Skwib has the Carnival of Satire #6 running also. Go get some. I think that's a stock retail item though, supplies may be limited. I'm not sure.

Carnival of Comedy, Comedy, Carnival of Satire, Satire

Grim Iraqi Milestone, and a Party

2005-10-26T20:20:00.000-04:00

Shh! It's a secret. I don't want to let the whole world know, but the situation in Iraq has recently reached a grim milestone. It's a not so subtle reminder that the situation in Iraq grows bleak, and ever more desperate for progressive Americans. I'll let you in on it but don't tell anyone, OK?

Iraq's Constitution Adopted by Voters

So that's the bad news, the good news is that a wonderful and joyous milestone has also been reached. That's right. 2000 dead fascist pigs in Bush's illegal war for oil. To celebrate, were throwing an all night bash.

RSVP right now for a ~~celebration~~ deathebration tonight in your community by clicking on the link below.

http://political.moveon.org/event/iraqvigils/?id=6202-6470439-0sk9KIRaW.twMIpAW1CZaQ&t=6

Remember, tonight we're gonna party like it's ~~1999~~ 2000.

Linked on: Mudville Gazette, TMH's Bacon Bits, Jo's Cafe,

deathabration, 2000, grim milestone, Milestone, Iraq

Just Content

2005-10-25T23:37:00.000-04:00

Here at Radioactive Liberty, I strive to provide you with content. So there you have it... Content. You may ask, quality content? No, just content. I don't want to set the bar to high. That could lead to disappointment, and I don't want to be a disappointment.

Well, what kind of content? Evil space alien pirates on Meth masturbating with farm equipment? Deranged monkeys flinging feces? Witty satire? No, Just content. So there you have it.... Content.

I hope you weren't disappointed.

Linked on Mudville Gazette

Carnival Time!

2005-10-20T18:10:00.000-04:00

The Carnival of Comedy #25 is up and running . Hosted this week by Laurence simon at This Blog is Full of Crap. This makes me happy because I am only the third link down.

The Carnival of Satire #5 is happily residing at the Skwib, despite it's apparent lack of a submission by yours truly.

Carnival of Comedy, Comedy, Carnival of Satire, Satire

Inside the White House

2005-10-19T21:00:00.000-04:00

Radioactive Liberty has secret listening devices planted at the White House. Here's a conversation that we caught:

Begin Transcript:

W: Hey, Dickie. I'm glad to see you. I wanted to ask you something.
Vice-President: Yes, Mr. President.

W: I've been picking and picking, but I can't seem to get this booger out.
VP: I'm sure you'll figure it out, Mr. President.

W: So, tell me why you're here.
VP: It seems that your poll numbers are down, and a lot of people on our side aren't happy with your selecting Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court vacancy.

W: Hmmm. I guess That could hurt my chances of being re-elected.
VP: You can't run for re-election, Mr. President.

W: I can't?
VP: No, Mr. President, You can't.

W: No fair! Why not? FDR was president more than two terms.
VP: That's true, but there was an amendment that changed the rules. You can only run twice now.

W: What's a "mend mint?" Is that like peppermint? I like peppermint.
VP: No. An "AMENDMENT." It's how you change the Constitution.

W: I thought the judges were supposed to do that.
VP: No, George -

W: (interrupting) I told you to always call me Mr. President! That's how I can remember that I'm the President.
VP: Sorry, Mr. President. Judges aren't supposed to change the Constitution. That's why this Supreme Court appointment is so important.

W: But that's why I nominated Harriet... To make the Constitution the way WE like it.
VP: That's what people are afraid of. That were just replacing Liberal judicial activism with Conservative judicial activism.

W: OH! So I shoulda nominated someone to leave the Constitution alone... Like it already was?
VP: Yes, Mr. President. That was supposed to be the plan.

W: Holy cow! Dickie, Did you see that?
VP: See what?

W: That Burger King fella just scored a touchdown! He looks kinda creepy. Don't you think?
VP: (Sighs) Yes, Mr. President. I think I'll leave you to your Presidential Duties now.

W: Oh, hey. Thanks for reminding me. I do have to go to the bathroom.
VP: (Walking out of room. Sighs and mumbles under his breath) Idiot...

End Transcript

Linked on: Mudville Gazette, Jo's Cafe, Cafe Oregano, Bloggin' Outloud, Cao's Blog

Satire, Humor, Politics, Bush, Miers, Supreme Court, SCOTUS

Vote For Me

2005-10-18T21:35:00.000-04:00

Hi, I'm Vie LeJidiotte. I come to you today with a message of hope and prosperity. There are many who have criticized the Democratic Party as being a party without a core, of being naysayers, and obstructionist. I plan to run a different kind of campaign.

Roll back tax cuts for the rich:
Why should the corporate elitists you work for make all the money, while you do all the hard work? I propose tax relief for the working class, and rolling back tax cuts for the wealthiest 1%. They can afford it, the working class can't. Hopefully, your company won't lay you off to reconcile their bottom line with the new punitive tax rate.

Raise the minimum wage:
We need a legitimate living wage. I propose $20/hr. This is a wage real American families can live on. I won't bow to the corporate capitalists that don't want to raise the minimum wage. Hopefully, your company won't lay you off to reconcile their bottom line with the new minimum wage, but if they do...

Expand and extend the unemployment benefits program:
Take as much time off as you need. It's hard to find a job, especially in this economy.

Improve public education:
It's important in this competitive world, for our children to get a good education. Reputable private schools are expensive, so I propose dumping a lot more money into the public education system to make it expensive too.

As you can see, I'm a different kind of Democrat with a different kind of message.

Vote for me, Vie LeJidiotte

Linked on: Mudville Gazette, Cafe Oregano, Jo's Cafe, California Conservative, Stop the ACLU

Satire, Humor, Politics, Democrats

Rocky 6

2005-10-18T00:58:00.000-04:00

Stallone returning for sixth 'Rocky'

That's just funny all by itself.

UPDATED! The news of the new Rocky movie reminded me of this:

Theme From Rocky XIII

Fat and weak, what a disgrace.
Guess the champ got too lazy.
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space.
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain.

But he's no bum, he works down the street.
He bought the neighborhood deli.
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat.
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say:

Try the rye or the kaiser,
They're on special tonight.
If you want, you can have an appetizer.
You might like our salami, and the liver's all right.
And they'd really go well with the rye,
Or the kaiser.

Never eats while on the job.

He heard it's good to stay hungry.
But he makes a pretty mean shish kabob.
Have a taste, they were made fresh today.

Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white.
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer.
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight.
But you just can't go wrong with the rye,
Or the kaiser.

So today, his deli comes first.
Still he dreams of his past days of glory.
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst,
All the while you can still hear him say:

It's the rye or the kaiser, it's the thrill of one bite.
Let me please be your catering advisor.
If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight.
You can have your roast beef on the rye,
Or the kaiser.

The rye or the kaiser,
The rye or the kaiser,
The rye or the kaiser...

Movies, Rocky, Funny, Humor

Canadian Navy Strikes

2005-10-15T13:25:00.000-04:00

There are reports that the Canadian Naval forces plan to launch an amphibious assault on a suspected terrorist hideout. It seems unbelievable, but Radioactive Liberty has obtained photographic evidence.

I had to steal this picture from Jimmy B because it's so freakin' hilarious.

Linked on Stop the ACLU, Point Five, Jo's Cafe, Wizbang, Oblogatory Anecdotes

Canadian Navy, War on Terror

Evil Glenn's Voices

2005-10-14T20:58:00.000-04:00

A Filthy Lie

I know what the voices in my head tell me. They say things like, "Meat is murder. Love vegetables, don't eat them. Watch Lifetime, it's not just for women. No war for oil." So obviously I have a hippy/commie infiltrating my head.

Evil Glenn hears voices too, and I bet you wonder what they say. Fortunately for you, I have inside information. Here's a sampling:

VOICE: Glenn.

INSTAPUNDIT: Yes.

V: Glenn.

IP: Who's There?

V: Glenn.

IP: What do you want?

V: The Glennster.

IP: Are you going to say anything other than my name?

V: Why? You only ever say "Hmmm," and "We'll see."

IP: Hmmm.

V: Glenny. Glenn Ben. The Glennmiester.

IP: Will you shut up already?

V: Gle-he-he-he-he-henn.

IP: If you were a puppy I would blend you.

V: The Glennamatic 5000.

IP: If you were a hobo I would punch you.

V: Glenalokadokadenn!

IP: Shut the f*** up already!

So, as you can see, Evil Glenn's voices have nothing substantive or worthwhile to say, much like his blog. Now if I could just find a way to rid myself of that dirty hippy...

Filthy Lies, Hobo Punching, Puppy Blender, Instapundit

Carnival of Comedy 24

2005-10-13T21:24:00.000-04:00

Holy crap! It's Thursday and I didn't even know it. I guess I missed the trash collection too. Speaking of trash collection, the Carnival of Comedy is up at Lyn Perry. Go check out "teh funny."

Also, Don't forget the Carnival of Satire #4, Which can be found at The Skwib.

Carnival of Comedy, Comedy, Carnival of Satire, Satire

Orgy in Oregon

2005-10-12T00:55:00.000-04:00

Recently, the Supreme Court of Oregon ruled that live sex acts are protected under the Oregon Constitution. Article 1 Section 8, which states, "No law shall be passed restraining the free expression of opinion, or restricting the right to speak, write, or print freely." The ACLU filed a brief in favor of banning this law.

The stage is set for the next big civil rights case set to appear before the Supreme Court of Oregon, involving the notorious "Upskirt Bandit." Harry Ballz, also known as the "Upskirt Bandit," alleges that his first amendment right of artistic expression is being suppressed by having been criminally prosecuted for illegally filming unsuspecting women, without their consent, from beneath their skirts and dresses. Mr. Ballz says:

Dude, you can't see their faces. I don't see the problem, man. I'm an artist. I need to put it out there on the internet to express myself and stuff. You know. How can I put stuff on the internet when I'm in prison? This blows.

Jose Estalino, a representative of the ACLU said,

Mr. Ballz ability to express his artistic vision is being crushed by an unfair system that seeks to deny the individual liberties afforded to each and every on of us, as American citizens. We seek nothing less than to ensure that Mr. Ballz, and any others who wish to express themselves be able to do so.

In a related story, the streets of Portland have exploded into an orgasmic orgy of carnal excess that leaves Mardi Gras looking like the Disney version of hedonistic delights. Citizens everywhere are engaging in what reasoned individuals would usually consider depraved sex acts, or at least would think so when these activities are occurring on street corners and convenience stores, at the bus stop, and on the sidewalk.

A citizen asked our reporter on the scene, "Can't these people keep this stuff inside of doors, where it belongs?" We relayed the question to a police officer, who wished to remain anonymous. The officer told our reporter, "We'd like to be able to do something, but our hands are tied." A passerby must have heard the comment, and replied, "Does that turn you on baby?" The officer then told our reporter, "man, people around here are really stuck on stupid, with a capital S,T,and D.

State Health officials are concerned about the possible spread of STD's and diseases like Hepatitis, and have responded to the issue by handing out free condoms, and pamphlets explaining how STD's are transmitted.

Find the real stories at Stop the ACLU Here and Here

Linked on bRight and Early, Cafe Oregano, Jo's Cafe, Mudville Gazette, California Conservative

ACLU, Leftist Agenda, Sex Crimes, Sex Offenders