Sunday, August 07, 2005

5 Tips for Terrorists

The Carnival of Comedy is now here!

We all know that terrorists are an uncreative and fairly stupid lot, so I thought I would provide a few helpful tips for our jihadist friends. That way they can see my gift of goodwill, and will not want to kill all of western civilization.

* When planning a car bomb attack, make sure to use a full tank of gasoline for a bigger explosion. Always avoid the more eco-friendly but less combustible vegetable oil powered vehicles. They just don't burn as big.

* When planting bombs in the subway, always yell "Allah o akbar!" at the top of your lungs. This way Allah will know to reward you with your 72 under age girls to sexually molest after the police put a bullet in your head. "Lalalalalalalala! Die! Infidels, die!" is also acceptable.

* If you are at a train station, and you are asked if you would mind having your bag searched, just graciously refuse. You can always come back another day to plant your bomb. If you are approached for a search again, refuse again, and RUN to your nearest New York Times reporter to alert them that you are clearly being profiled, when bag searches are supposed to be random. Be sure to tell the reporter, "No war for oil," and "President Bush is an election stealing idiot," and your story is sure to make the front page. Also, contact the nearest ACLU representative to file a lawsuit that your civil rights are being violated.

* Change the password on your islamofascist website from "mohammed" or "jihad" to "condi4prez" to confuse British intelligence hackers from shutting it down. (Hat tip Dr. Phat Tony's)

* Make sure there are no Pork Laden Anti-Terrorist Ordinance in the area when you suicide bomb coalition military targets. You don't want to be denied your 72 pre-teens to rape.

Hopefully these tips will aid you in your holy war against us infidels. Good luck, and happy suicide bombing. Lalalalalalalalala!


My vote goes to Citizen Grim At RHOG, with How to Keep the Government from Seizing your Property
Have some Brunch at Basil's Blog