Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I Demand to Speak to

A Precision Guided Humor Assignment

I demand to speak to Osama bin Laden. Well - not so much to speak to as to have the opportunity to kill him. First I'll gouge out his eyeballs, and stomp on them.

I demand to speak to Sam Walton... to ask him why people (other than me) shop at WalMart when the store sucks so bad. Do people like to wait in line at least a half hour guaranteed, regardless of time of day when all they are purchasing is a pack of socks?

I demand to speak to the President too... I'd ask why we are pussyfooting around instead of flattening all who stand in the way. I thought everyone was "either with us or against us." Why does that not seem to be the case?

I demand to speak to Karl Rove... And ask when we invade Venezuela for their oil. So far this war for oil thing ain't working out so great. Why is that?

I demand to speak to Chuck Hagel... Well not so much speak to as kick him in the nuts.

I demand to speak to Fitch... For being so uncreative and repetitive.

And kick him in the nuts too...

Wait... That's me. On, second thought, I'll just kick Chuck Hagel in the nuts and leave Fitch alone.