Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Run In Fear, John Bolton is Here!

Earlier today, in a move showing utter disdain for the "advise and consent" role of the Senate, President Bushitler used an unprecedented maneuver to recess appoint John Bolton as Ambassador to the U.N. Bolton was rushed by black helicopter to a secret underground bunker to be sworn in. He place his right hand on Mein Kampf, and swore to uphold the Final Solution.

Democrats quickly rallied to the nearest cameras to voice their protest. Sen. Kennedy said:
This is worse than if the President had committed murder. It's a complete, ah, undermining of the balance of power outlined in the Constitution. We're Democrats. We run things here, no matter what the voters say. This will not distract us from the important work we have investigating, ah, Karl Rove.

Despite the fact that Bolton was appointed five months ago, many people still don't know who he is. Luckily, those people have me to fill them in on a quick Bio of John Bolton.

*Bolton is best known for his agonizing, yet popular song, "When a Man Loves a Woman." He won 2 Grammy's for this song. One for Most unbearable love song, and one for Most inexplicably popular song.

*Bolton is known as a no nonsense, get the job done kind of guy. Democrats, and pansies like George Voinovich have characterized him as a bully, and question his diplomatic temperament.

*Bolton was known as the "recess appointment bully" in grade school, due to his practice of entering into an appointment book the names of the unfortunate children he would schedule for a "butt-kicking" during recess.

*Bolton once had a career as a professional wrestler, where he went by the name "The Ambassador." He had the occasion to slap the Iron Sheikh around a few times, and even made him cry once.

*Bolton will serve to the end of the current congress, early in 2007, when he will either be voted to a new confirmation, or replaced.

Editors note: I'm lazy, so I never actually looked up a bio of John Bolton.


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