Thursday, January 12, 2006

A Phat Birfday

Today is Dr. Phat Tony's birfday, and he has requested that we provide our own Phat History Lesson for his birfday amusement.

In the beginning, there was darkness, and god said, "Let there be light." Wait, I went too far back in time. Fast forward a few billion years. The world was being soiled by dirty hippies, and god said, we need a genius to make fun of these morons, and tell poo jokes. I like poo jokes." Instead, he created Dr. Phat Tony, not quite a genius, but good with a poo joke.

Dr. Phat Tony was born on this date in... uh 28 years ago, Antoine Peu Geauqe, which is French for "recounter of poo joke." Upon his birth, his mom noticed that he was chubby. "He's not chubby, he's fat," Pop replied. Pop was shocked by Antoine's immediate grasp of the English language, as he retorted, "I'm not fat, I'm big boned." Pop knew the boy was "special."

Growing up grossly obese, Tony frequently was taunted for being fat. "I'm not fat, I just haven't grown into my body yet!" He would tell them. And he was right. In his puberty years, Antoine did grow into his body, and changed "fat" to "Phat" to sound hip and "all that."

He learned to disdain his French ancestry, and had his name legally changed to Anthony Rigatoni. Thus was born Phat Tony. After being in the Army, and serving in Europe, he moved back to Alabamy to get married, and learned that he could regale the world with poo jokes through the use of the internet. He also used the internet to order a doctorate, and completed the evolution to "Dr. Phat Tony," Poo joke teller extrordinaire.

Except for all those run-ins he has with Boss Hogg, life is pretty normal for the good doctor.

The rest, as they say, is history.