Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Can He Walk and Chew Gum at the Same Time?

The Carnival of Comedy is Here! Welcome! Yarrgh! I got me a cool nickname! Thanks Guys!
"The Interrogator" Presents:
Can John Roberts walk and chew gum at the same time?

This is the pressing question being asked by many opposed to The nomination of Judge John Roberts. I have many concerns over this candidate for the SCOTUS. #1 on my list is, what evil corporation manufactured his hair? Was it Halliburton? DuPont? I suspect Halliburton.

What are his views on Rove v. Blade? If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, is that Karl Rove's fault. Which part is Rove's fault, the tree falling, or no one being there to hear it, or both. I say both.

Will he have a blatant disregard for the esteemed tradition of ignoring the U.S. Constitution? Will he abide by the tried and true practice of outsourcing the lawmaking process to foreign countries, and then importing the ones that appeal to him? Does he realize that the U.S. Constitution is a living breathing document, or does he hold dear to the antiquated, mythological notion that the Constitution outlines an amendment process for ratifying changes?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Does he understand that there is an impenetrable wall separating church and state written in our founding document, or is he under the fallacious belief that the First Amendment grants the right to freedom of religion? We all know that the First Amendment guarantees us the freedom from religion.

Most importantly of all, can he walk and chew gum at the same time? These are questions of the utmost importance, and should not be taken lightly.


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