Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Instapundit's Biography

A Filthy Lie

Evil Glenn Reynolds is soon to release his biography The Shocking Truth Behind the Filthy Lies. Here at Radioactive Liberty, I was lucky enough to get an advanced copy. I'm way too lazy to read the thing. I have a tendency to slip into a persistent vegetative state when I read books. I will, however share the contents of the inside jacket and the back of the book.

Glenn Reynolds was painfully shy as a child. He rarely ever spoke, and when he did, it was usually to say "Hmm," or "Indeed," and sometimes, "We'll see." It was an arduous process to interview Instapundit for the writing of this book, there fore it may not be entirely accurate, if at all.

At the age of three, young Glenn was viscously attacked by a neighborhood dog, but this is not the event that led to his unusual penchant for puppy blending. This turning point came much later in life.

Fast forward to age 17. The now, increasingly Evil, Glenn Reynolds, had a close encounter with aliens, the very aliens responsible for implanting the mind control devices found in canine consuming cultures worldwide. After an excruciating anal exam, Glenn was implanted with the mind control device as well, forever dooming him to an irresistible urge to consume cocker spaniel cocktails.

Evil Glenn himself is quoted as saying, "
In my heart, I don't want to do these things, but I can't control it. The mind control implant makes me."
Most astonishing of all, this may well be the very first time ever that Evil Glenn has been documented stringing two consecutive sentences together into a complete thought. SHOCKING!

So how did Evil Glenn develop a seething hatred for hobos? How did he become the promulgator of penguin porn? Read the book to find out.