Welcome to the premiere episode of Hanoi's Heroes, where a ragtag group of Left wing idiots tour around in a vegetable oil coated bus provided by Hanoi Jane Fonda. Follow the misadventures of Cindy Sheehan, Jane Fonda, Al Sharpton, and a deranged monkey as they travel around the country protesting the war and... just about everything else.
Tonight's episode features special guest star, Newt Gingrich.
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Cindy: Now that Bush's vacation is over, we're taking Camp Cindy - er, Casey - on tour around the country, with the help of Jane's vegetable oil powered bus.
Jane: It's vegetable oil coated.
Cindy: I thought it was supposed to be vegetable oil powered?
Jane: It turns out vegetable oil doesn't make a very good fuel. By coating the bus with vegetable oil it insures that right-wing fascists can't get a grip on the bus to roll it over. It also has GPS, Onstar and a built in Autorantic Virtual Moonbat.
Newt: I wouldn't expect vegetable oil would make a good fuel.
Cindy: Who asked you, Grinchy?
AutoRantic Moonbat: Tour BUS!!!? DId I miss something? Without a doubt, Shrubya wants Grenada for the oil!!!! Why do you say "Moonbat"? Well, the Repooplickins stole the so-called election by cajoling the queer voters in the underdeveloped world (while NAFTA happily sat on the sidelines)!! Since 2000, billions of downtrodden INSURGENTS have been electrocuted in Prague!!!! Obviously, say GOODBYE to gender parity!! Nice knowing you. FUN while it lasted. Not even close!!!!? I am not one of Fitch's den of RIGHT-wing yes-men. You must concede, Incurious George can talk about "fiscal conservatism" all he wants, all the while WIPING out unspoiled Serbian bunny rabbits in France, so his harem of Israeli employees can harrass dissident French workers in Gomorrah!?
Al: Can someone turn that damn thing off? The president stays on vacation, comes back a day late and a dollar short? I mean, this is an outright . . .
Cindy: It's no wonder I'm the face of the anti-war movement.
Al: The Republikkkans are reinstituting the draft to kill more young, disadvantaged, black men!
Newt: You know as well as I do that there is not, nor will there be a draft.
AutoRant: Why do you say Draft!!!? I reject oil and bombs. Down with corruption and fascism!!!! Bushitler only wants Cambodia for the oil!!!! What about public television!!? What about outreach efforts!! What about reproductive freedom and sustainable development for the 35,284 imprisoned Latinos who are debased in New Hampshire every single day by our thieving monkey and his choir of Texan shills!!?
Monkey: Ooooooh oooooooh oooooh oooooooh aaaah AAAAAAAAH! *Flings feces at Cindy*
Cindy: You make a good point Monkey. I'm a gold star mother, and the face of the anti-war movement. The president and his right-wing attack machine can try to smear me all they want, they can sling all the crap they want, but Bush will still be the world's biggest terrorist.
Al: You one stupid woman! The damn monkey don't know any better. It's just doing what monkeys do.
Monkey: Ooooooh oooooooh oooooh oooooooh aaaah AAAAAAAAH! *Flings feces at Al.*
Newt: You make a good point Monkey.
Al: Shut up you big head bigot.
AutoRant: Monkey!!!!? Did I miss something!? If you aren't outraged about this chimp in charge, then wouldn't you agree you are a Republiklansman fundie worshipper of Fitch and the FBI!! "Hurricane"? Jerk!! Interesting THAT you should mention "Katrina". If you aren't flabbergasted about this Boy King, then I get the feeling you are a Repimplican theocratic slave of Michael Reagan and the Justice Department! The truth is at derangedmonkeysthrowingfeces.org. Too bad there's no oil in New Orleans. Nice knowing you. FUN while it lasted. Wish you could have stayed! Say no to colonialism!! Racists.
Al: Will some shut that damn thing off or do I have to kill it myself?
Jane: Hey! The AutoRantic Moonbat has a point. There is oil in New Orleans. No wonder we're sending troops down there.
Cindy: Next stop, New Orleans. My son died for oil. We have to stop this, and this hurricane is stealing my spotlight. Obviously it's a plan created by Bush. He lied about WMDs and he's lying about hurricanes.
Monkey: Ooooooh oooooooh oooooh oooooooh aaaah AAAAAAAAH! *Flings feces at Cindy and Jane.*
Newt: Once again, you make a good point Monkey.
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That wraps up this episode. Tune in to see what happens next time on Hanoi's Heroes.
They're Hanoi's Heroes in a crisco bus
They go around the nation and they make a fuss
They're so hate filled that their blood could boil
And they protest the Bush's war for oil
The Carnival of Comedy XX is up at Either Orr
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